Hide me under a rock already. I feel so insignificant. I have no real stable job with benefits and I'm no where near being ready for grad school. The most creative energy I've had lately was in a dream and it was still not strong enough to provide something worth writing about. I've gone back to having no exciting weekend plans. OR rather, I get back so early on Friday and Saturday nights that I don't feel like I've actually been out for the evening. And I really have not adjusted well to the amount of times I see friends per week or per month. I understand it's an appropriate post-college/adult amount but that still does not cut it for me. I still haven't figured out if this feeling is a result of the medication or the lifestyle. I want to see at least one friend multiple times a week to tell all of my crazy little daily stories to and to fill my days with something bigger than myself. Is that too much to ask for?

Labels: dreams, instability, post-college, unemployment, writing

It's officially the year of the Dragon, my year, at last. This can only mean good things. After years of despising resolutions, I picked one for this new year, my year. One idea: Embrace the corny.

I've been through so much these past few years. I've given myself to others, spread myself real thin to care for them. This past year especially was extremely shitty. I went through so many phases of hating myself and hating my life, while blocking myself from being truly happy. And as much as I try to fight it or change it, I am a hopeless romantic. I feed off of the corny love stories in books and movies, and every so often a tv show, but I find it hard to embrace the corny kind of happiness in my own life. So that is my goal, to embrace happiness, to not shy from the corny, to let love in when it comes my way.

A wise cat once gave me the squinty face and closed his eyes. He clearly meant calm your thoughts and go to bed, there's always time in the morning for pontificating.