The best part of my day was my dad calling me this morning. Just to talk, for fifteen minutes. It was THE BEST!

My dad just got back from England, where he had to go for two weeks on a business trip. He hated it. The food was too bland, the weather was cold, there was no clock in his room, the soap wasn't soapy enough, he had to borrow the iron from the lobby, and it cost him around $40 to do his laundry. I'm pretty sure he was also really homesick. One day he had to wear a flannel shirt and jeans to the office. He did make a friend there, a nice guy from Ireland, with some name that sounds extra Irish. Fergus McClellan or something.

Ferg and my dad became good friends it sounds, hanging out all the time and sight seeing together. Ferg even got Dad to go to a pub one night. Dad even went to the mall one day. He didn't like it, of course.

I'm glad Ferg was there to keep dad company but I am much more happy to have him back in the States. I think I'm going home Wednesday after class to see my mom & dad. My new license came in the mail and Dad got me something "really cool" from England.

Labels: England, my dad

Maybe it's because this song has been stuck in my head lately. Tonight when I had to ride the bus home from class this song came on and I actually started bobbing. It was still light out and some scruffy guy sat next to me on the bus but I was lost in transitions and bobs and silently singing along. I'm becoming that girl, but it's like I'm stuck in some short film and I just don't care.

Anyway, the bus was turning onto Broad and I had a revelation of my own emotions. But let's start with a precursor:

Ever notice that it's not until you are avoiding someone that you start to think you see them everywhere? It's like suddenly everyone has the same height, body build, and facial features as the one person your heart sinks at the thought of seeing. There's someone like that in my town. I've been avoiding him with all hopes for a few months now and on the bus today I realized I really want to see him.

Okay, time for the emotional revelation: I really want to see him across some loud street corner among huge crowds of people. I want it to be really loud and I don't want to say anything to him or have to speak to him. I want to be having a cute hair day and be wearing a cute cardigan across a busy street and just shrug at him. Well, then get on a bus or into a car or disappear into thin air. This whole time I've been so unsure of how I'd act around him or if it'd be uncomfortable, like a Stars song, but I just want him to see me for who I am and walk away. Too good for fucking you.

Labels: cardigans, I'm the one who got away, It's because you're an asshole, songs stuck in my head

Well this will be a fun test. Fingers crossed the rain freezes.

Oh yeah - I have the worst mouth, spent a lot of this weekend saying some really socially inappropriate things. I am beginning to accept it as lapse of idiocy. I am sure this will happen twice as much next weekend. Can't wait, errr yeah, yeah I could.

Hoping to make my rounds to the sick with soup tomorrow.

Labels: big mouth

And now you're outside me, you see all the beauty. Repent all your sin.

Temptation, why is it haunting me so badly? Well maybe because a - I welcome it and b - I am prone to it. I feel like I've wasted the whole day. I still have to write two 2 page papers for class tomorrow. It is 3:13 am. They are due at 9:05. Did I mention I'm taking a test right after I turn them in? I'm a little overwhelmed.

So really COME ON! There is currently too much drama or potential drama on my plate. I am not ready to be so overwhelmed. Really. They don't dismiss your writing skills in college just because you were overwhelmed and anxious every time you sat down to write. This truth is something that characteristically, professors 'don't buy.' Maybe I really am imbalanced.

Funny how originally I was going to comment on the good that comes out of certain separations. Break ups perhaps. You don't realize it first off. Or looking back. Or missing a certain person. Or hating a certain person. But there comes a day when you can play the knowledgeable mother and realize that sometimes things end at the right time, whether you at one time or another did doubt that. How much more of it could I have taken, some ask themselves. I was so consumed by him (her, them) that I lost time for myself, others might say. Maybe that's why adults are so eager to have flings with former loves. They forget the bad and cling to the reawakened desire, no matter how bad you may be for each other. But what do I know about inappropriate crushes?

Labels: anxiety, break ups, college, English Major, inappropriate crushes, papers, temptation, writing

I have spent my daydream hours (minutes?) of today creating a new music video in my head for Rilo Kiley's Portions for Foxes. Sometimes I really do wish I was getting an education to be a director, but I don't believe I'm that creative and there's no way I could make a film that was 1/2 rubbish. The video in my head is centered around some cute brunette girl and her view of reality mixed with her visions of happiness. It would be a bunch of real short clips at the front of her and some guy highlighting the dynamic of their relationship with a visible fight towards the end. All of that during the instrumental opening. I know, I'm ambitious, but hey, there's 26 seconds of it.

Then the camera mainly sticks with the girl, who will be physically biting her lip watching TV during the first line. The camera would flip between the girl watching TV, to her reminiscing on her relationship with the boy, back to the TV and the girl getting frustrated. That's about the first 50 seconds of it. I have to get to work or else I would elaborate on my daydreams of daydreams.

On the topic of myself, I have had a very Portions For Foxes kind of day. Not like my daydream, but a pretty upbeat day in the mix of so much stress and expectations. It's sunny out and I talked with a cute guy at school today and we laughed and smiled like it was no big deal. I wore pigtails braids without caring about how much younger it makes me look. The sun smiled down at me and I in return smiled to my neighbor. I toured my apartment and didn't care. A friend gave me a Smarties and it was like the end to an ideal school day. However ideal in the sense of a good normal. Nothing horrible has happened yet. No boy is going to break my heart. I can drive. I get to see Kaitlyn & Collin tonight. I left a fun surprise for my friend at the radio station. Life is good today.

Labels: daydreams, lip bite, Portions of Foxes, Rilo Kiley