John Lennon on the harmonica circa 1962, circa all those early love ballads. It definitely stands out from those other love songs. They're so harmonized they almost sound like doo-wop, but here he's wailing on the average man's harmonica, he adds a bit of a blues folk vibe. Maybe I'm just speculating to pass time.

Love me do. Would you love me with all these sci-fi attachments? Part machine. Part robot. Part raging redhead? Raging? Simmering? Sparkling! Radiant! Radiant Redhead.

Oh! I want to hold your hand is next! I think, for now, fat chance. Total bumbling lies. My robot hand  is too scratchy and prickly for hand holding.

Labels: new cast blues, The Beatles

Yes, I am watching another Hallmark Channel movie. The Mistletoe Inn is about an aspiring writer who goes to a writer's conference for the first time (and is in love with Christmas and then falls in love with a guy and never kisses the guy until the last scene in typical Hallmark Channel fashion).

Candace Cameron Burke reminds me of my dear friend Lindsay a lot.  All of her commercials and introductions are warm and sweet, like hot cocoa.

And now they have a movie about a bookstore.  I'm not sure who thought writers would be watching Hallmark Channel on Thanksgiving, but they are on point.  Our new heroine won't date a guy who doesn't read, she rides her bike with a helmet, and she's crafty.

In that spirit, Thrift Books has a sale running until Monday, buy 4 books and get 1 free.  Not only can you find rare books there (the chronicles of Nick Twisp and family in CD Payne's additions to Youth in Revolt), but they have great prices. They even have great books for kids on recycling!  Check it out! https://www.thriftbooks.com/

Labels: books, Hallmark Channel, Thrift Books

Found a gem in a YA book to ponder over. The book is called The Sun is Also a Star by Nicola Yoon.

"Human beings are not reasonable creatures. Instead of being ruled by logic, we are ruled by emotions. The world would be a happier place if the opposite were true," (Yoon 47).

Like logically I would have gone to bed early, had my dad drive me to work so that I would be early & catch up on my work there. Instead I stayed up organizing my email & creating a host packet and wound up tired as hell this morning. And yes, my parents are driving me to and from work while I'm in the cast. I can't turn my wrist and so my reaction time with my left hand is too slow to keep up with the aggressive drivers on my commute.

Anyway, I am all emotion. Even my memory is emotion based rather than fact based. Would logic all the way make me happier though? If logic incites happiness, an emotion, can it really be said it rules without it?

Labels: books, emotions, literary quotes, logic, Nicola Yoon, reading, reading challenge, reading list, The Sun is Also a Star

Hard to believe, but I am ahead on my reading challenge.  I have three more books to read and I will be at 50 finished books this year. I did a pretty good job of going back to finish those books that were harder to get through, but I still have 2 from this year.

The other educational journey I have been taking this year is into the deep fangirl heart of Beatlesmania with the Beatles Channel on Sirius XM.  I don't remember much of Peter Asher when I studied the Beatles in school (History of Rock Music in college and Beatlesmania, a talented and gifted (ha!) class in high school).  Peter Ascher, a fellow redhead, is the host of most of the segments and is a nerdy delight!  He tells all these great stories from when Paul lived with his family, from when Paul dated his sister Jane, and all these fantastical anecdotal stories about their recording process, stories behind some of the songs, and stories from his experiences with the band. 

Yesterday they were recording live from Abbey Road, telling stories about both the iconic Abbey Road Recording Studio and taking requests from fans as they waited to make the iconic crossing.  So today I spent the better part of the day listening to Abbey Road the album.  I remember the days I used to listen to it straight through in some sort of dream, happy state.  I was so naive to the Medley on Side Two.  I grew up in a different age, the digital age, and I grew accustomed to listening to those song separately, arranging my own interpretation. 

This summer I drove around with the windows down blaring a mix my friend had made for our Beatlesmania class.  Their songs cover so many emotions, they fit into my playlists so well.  They fit into my drive home so well. They are just the best and that justifies my rambling. 

I will come back and return to my book topic later when my brain isn't crashing.

Labels: books, reading challenge, The Beatles, The Beatles Channel on Sirius FM

Things I did not expect:

How much I am enjoying the Hallmark Christmas movies this year.

How much I want to find a circular saw and crack this cast in half.

How well my plants are doing inside, new branches of leaves on my tomato plants, flowers on my eggplant.

How happy having the right job makes me.

Labels: feeling good

The wind outside is fierce.  I have so much to say, but no idea who I'm saying it to.  My memory is so iffy lately that I'm thinking of starting a physical journal to chronicle all the little things that get said and done, but not written down.

I can never remember things fully.  Just the associated emotions.

My recovery is moving a lot faster than I expected.  My family did point out how severely bruised and sore I was all over going into surgery the first time, so I guess it makes sense.  There was so much uncertainty about whether I would need a second operation.

I am only going to be positive about this surgery and do all the assigned work.  I am going to end up happy and healed. I am going to hit my garden with full force in the spring, but I'm going to be more cautious with all the weights.  Be more creative with how I move large plants. Invite teamwork.    Maybe I'll have some nerve damage in my finger for a month, a year, a decade.  Maybe eventually I'll stop noticing it.  Maybe one day I'll bashfully look into drumming lessons.

I can't do over the past two years, but I can do better for the next two.

Labels: be positive, good will come, recovery

I won't lie or pretend, this is going to be highly personal, and also probably highly emotional.


I'm still up thanks to the nausea, lovely side effect of a combination of my medication. The pain killers haven't done much to keep me asleep this time through. Typing with one hand to avoid stretching out my fingers and feeling anything move inside my cast.

Listening to the beauty in Rosebud again, what better way to let your feelings wash over you?

The cancer has spread in my grandmother.  We don't know for sure if that's how it got there, spreading out from her head or if a new breed appeared on it's own. A cancerous tumor the size of a cantaloupe in her hip.

So fuck the pain killers, the nausea, the minor flaws in my plans.  A woman I love is dying sooner than we all thought.

There's this feeling when I first wake up, when I don't recall it right away, and then I think of her and feel guilty for forgetting.  I worry, is she still alive?  Have I lost her?

But I pick my head up and try not to show it.  And I had a good day.  Someone totally cool wants to be on my team.  She shared our passions with our main boss and he wants us to expand those ideas and create an eco conscious, green program not just for the office but the company.  And the crazy thing is, they don't think my ideas are crazy.  Going beyond recycling to composting, beyond bringing living plants into the office to planting trees yearly, beyond energy efficient to conserving energy and reducing waste.

I finished my book, The Age of Miracles by Karen Thompson Walker, a "soft sci-fi/YA dystopia" about drastic environmental changes that occurred when the narrator was a pre-teen.  Sophisticated and well written, I often forgot the main character was also just a young girl at times. Finishing the book, seeing what persistency and innovation can lead you towards, I am so excited to walk down this road.

Labels: books, going green, Karen Thompson Walker, personal writing, recovery, recycling, Rosebud, Ryan Adams and the Cardinals, The Age of Miracles, Vera

The best part of this song is how much Jack White sounds like someone else.  Reminds me of slipping into accents in the car.  Listening to way too many books on tape lately.  Tried on a few new accents this past summer.  I swear if I listen to another book read by Caroline Lee I am going to end up answering the phone in my drawn out, drama filled Australian accent.

I have become quite fond of drumming along in the car to Meg White, but that's going on hiatus after my surgery.  I won't be driving myself for about a month probably so gone too are my books on tape. Time to get new headphones.  And a few more paperbacks from the library.

Labels: accents, books on tape, White Stripes

Heaven is a truck
It got stuck
On the breeze

-  Heaven Is a Truck by Pavement

They lay me flat on the bed of the truck.  Packed me in as tight as they could.  I didn't look behind us.  I couldn't really.  Instead I looked up.  I watched the sky through the tree tops.  I don't think it's a view seen by most.

It's beautiful.  Not jaw dropping like the cliffs or joy inducing like the waterfalls.  The sky and the trees and a truck and me.  I thought my Grandma might be there, just behind the clouds.  I prayed to her, but I didn't get a response.

It's not a fear of dying.  It's an understanding.  I messed up.  There will be consequences.




Two years later and I'm laying on my back again.  This sky is a bit different. Stars mapping out constellations fill the sky and the air is lighter, one deep breath away from winter.

They're going to lay me down in the room with all the lights.  They're going to spread my arms out on my own personal cross.  And then it's lights out until we meet again.

Labels: Heaven Is a Truck, Pavement, personal writing, prose poetry, writing

I am a very emotional person.  I love words.  I hate when people abuse them.  I am happiest when surrounded by well chosen words.  I am deeply influenced by words and by the thoughts that they command.

I just finished The Book Thief.  I just finished crying my eyes out.

Side Note: It's strange, and maybe a survival instinct, but I get these really awful migraines from crying. It feels like there's a storm cloud trapped in my head, all heavy grey matter crashing up against my skull.

Memorable quotes from tonight's portion of The Book Thief by Markus Zusak:

"Don't punish yourself," she heard her say again, but there would be punishment and pain, and there would be happiness, too.  That was writing" (Zusak 524-525).

"After more than two hours, Liesel Meminger started writing, not knowing how she was ever going to get this right,  How could she ever know that someone would pick her story up and carry it with him everywhere?
No one expects these things.
They don't plan them" (Zusak 525).

"I have hated the words and
I have loved them,
and I hope I have made them right" (Zusak 528).


Since music brings words to life and gives them a medium to dance in and since the music is always playing in my head, here are a few lyrics to ruminate on as well:

However you feel,
Whatever it takes,
Whenever it's real,
Whatever awaits,
Whatever you need,
However so slight,
Whenever it's real,
Whenever it's right.

- Spit on a Stranger by Pavement

Labels: books, I see the sunshine in your eyes, Markus Zusak, Pavement, The Book Thief, writing