It's true I haven't been myself the past two weeks. I've been several versions, sure, but not the one I expected. I continued to feel awful in the mornings and it worsened to a daily motion sickness before noon. I felt cursed, like I was cursed with a stomach bug that could mutate and continue to haunt me. I got a third opinion, switched the times I take my medicine, and instantly felt better. It was unbelievable how easy it was.
I changed my routine just in time to help watch my niece for three days. I knew when I found out my sister was pregnant that I would love this girl my whole life and that it would be something new and different. She's always been a mama's girl, so much so that she's had trouble sharing her and letting others in. She's a small child, so that's understandable, except to me these past few years. I wanted so badly to connect with her and she had little interest in me. Now she thinks I'm a teenager with unending energy, who can be her playmate whenever she says. My love for her has evolved, has grown, and has shaped my sense of self.
It's hard to be at this stage in my life, in between, alone, and yet so dependent on others. It's hard to keep my ego in check and take this generosity, but I really am so lucky. After being employed outside of my profession, outside of my preferred pay, it was hard to not get the hell out and move back to Dunwoody to apartment after apartment for my pride. To say I take care of myself just fine. I'm so glad I didn't.
I am going to be the best auntie I can be. I am going to keep on sharing all my loves with the next generation of my family and I'm not gonna hide behind fear. I will find a house and I will make it a home that doesn't let you feel alone. It doesn't need a ton of furniture or things to overflow with love, and I will do my best not to fill it with hundreds of cats. I will be knowledgeable enough and responsible enough and only slightly scared and I will host my own sleepovers with my niece and nephew and we will garden and read together and teach Luke how to pet the cats nicely.
posted by Songs of Love at 11:02 PM
Wednesday, May 9, 2018
I stayed home sick today and it was torture. I don't enjoy being sick, but today with the beautiful weather and the sun out made it worse. I want to be outside so badly. Instead I am trying to convince my stomach to keep food down. That doesn't mean I'm not craving food. There is so much I want to eat today. Except I don't want to taste it a second time.
There's a rumor out there that a full glass of milk can settle your stomach. Do not trust those people. It is an experience I do not want to relive. It's not an experience you want to go through either.
In the mean time I have lost a dress size. I know this because I am swimming in my dresses and shorts. I am back to the same weight I was in college. I did not think that would be possible without a lot of exercise. It would be nice to enjoy all this, but nothing feels comfortable when my stomach is this unsettled. Anything with a waistband makes me uncomfortable.
There's a rumor out there that a full glass of milk can settle your stomach. Do not trust those people. It is an experience I do not want to relive. It's not an experience you want to go through either.
In the mean time I have lost a dress size. I know this because I am swimming in my dresses and shorts. I am back to the same weight I was in college. I did not think that would be possible without a lot of exercise. It would be nice to enjoy all this, but nothing feels comfortable when my stomach is this unsettled. Anything with a waistband makes me uncomfortable.
Sunday, May 6, 2018
Surprise! I am very wordy today. I am blazing through my reading list, and yes I'm sure it's gotten old how much I talk about it. But I love it and this is my blog, so deal with it or skip over it.
I am currently reading A Wrinkle In Time by Madeleine L'Engle, and I feel like this is the first paper back I've read in months. I didn't realize how often I find hardback copies at the library. So being a lightweight, I decided to pack it in my bag for the Shaky Knees festival. Both friend groups didn't have plans to show up until later in the day, so after I watched the sets I wanted, if I wasn't sure about what to listen to next, I would go to my next stage, set up my blanket in the shade, hydrate, read, enjoy the breeze and listen to the music from neighboring stages. It is not so awful to do things by yourself.
The book is great, the weather is great, the music is great. It definitely beats standing around in a crowd, sweating, waiting for a band you like to come on stage. It really beats standing in a crowd with nothing to say, sweating profusely, waiting for a band you don't really care about to come on stage. I met a lot more nice people hanging out by themselves than I ever did in groups in crowds. A real sweet girl offered me her spray SPF when she saw me trying to work in my thick white SPF 50 Baby and not get any on my brace*. (Ha!) A few nice ladies asked me where I bought my blanket. (From a Thirty-one party, cotton/fleece on one side, water resistant nylon on the other, folds up and closes with velcro, has a handle and a pocket!) I just felt a lot more kindness from others when I was by myself than I ever felt in a large group or as part of a couple.
A lot of older folks at this festival. It feels like some strange societal reversal when the younger generation is the majority and more dominant, and the older generation is so sparsely represented and submissive to a younger generation.
*On a side note, I need advice on how to clean my brace. Dirt is everywhere at the festival, coating shoes, feet, ankles, bags, phones, and yes, braces (but not the type in your mouth). My brace is coated in sweat, dirt, sunscreen lotion, and a little garlic aioli sauce from my tots.
I am currently reading A Wrinkle In Time by Madeleine L'Engle, and I feel like this is the first paper back I've read in months. I didn't realize how often I find hardback copies at the library. So being a lightweight, I decided to pack it in my bag for the Shaky Knees festival. Both friend groups didn't have plans to show up until later in the day, so after I watched the sets I wanted, if I wasn't sure about what to listen to next, I would go to my next stage, set up my blanket in the shade, hydrate, read, enjoy the breeze and listen to the music from neighboring stages. It is not so awful to do things by yourself.
The book is great, the weather is great, the music is great. It definitely beats standing around in a crowd, sweating, waiting for a band you like to come on stage. It really beats standing in a crowd with nothing to say, sweating profusely, waiting for a band you don't really care about to come on stage. I met a lot more nice people hanging out by themselves than I ever did in groups in crowds. A real sweet girl offered me her spray SPF when she saw me trying to work in my thick white SPF 50 Baby and not get any on my brace*. (Ha!) A few nice ladies asked me where I bought my blanket. (From a Thirty-one party, cotton/fleece on one side, water resistant nylon on the other, folds up and closes with velcro, has a handle and a pocket!) I just felt a lot more kindness from others when I was by myself than I ever felt in a large group or as part of a couple.
A lot of older folks at this festival. It feels like some strange societal reversal when the younger generation is the majority and more dominant, and the older generation is so sparsely represented and submissive to a younger generation.
*On a side note, I need advice on how to clean my brace. Dirt is everywhere at the festival, coating shoes, feet, ankles, bags, phones, and yes, braces (but not the type in your mouth). My brace is coated in sweat, dirt, sunscreen lotion, and a little garlic aioli sauce from my tots.
Labels: be positive, be present, be the good, books, find the good, library books, live shows, reading, reading challenge, reading list, Shaky Knees
To listen to this song you must first turn up your speakers, then press play.
I'm always on the fence about Day 3 of Shaky Knees. Three days standing out in the hot Georgia sun or in puddles as the rain refuses to let up is not a pleasant experience on your body. I mean, when it's sunny you can at least sit down and drink lots of water and then it's not so bad. When it rains though, you are water. Wet and squishy and all together one.
So between constantly running to downtown, from stage to stage, from train to train, it gets kind of tiring. I'm also a total homebody and I don't particularly enjoy being in crowds for three days in a row. I miss my pets and my couch and my own cheap food. I just need more down time on my weekends and I'm already using them to get so much done around the house.
Now, however, I feel guilty about spending all that time in the park without my dog. She is being a total sweetheart and just wants to sunbathe and play ball and enjoy the breeze and spend time with me. I wish Day 3 of Shaky Knees deviated to become Shaky Dogs. Only bands who were cool with dogs possibly barking during their sets would play and all dogs would have to have proof they were updated on all their shots and be people friendly and King of Pops would have dog ice cream and poop bags would be available EVERYWHERE. Also the crowd would openly shame anyone trying to be an asshole and not picking up their dogs poop. It would be great! Instead of VIP areas they could have a small dog fenced park and a large dog fenced park on each side of the stage and benches or folding chairs along the edges for owners. Not right up front my the stage though, but a further out in the back. I mean, seriously people, how does park & sun equal live music and not also equal dogs?
The base would have to be turned down and the sound would need to tweaked so that it wasn't as hard on their ears but still projected out to a large crowd. But I think a few series of experiments could figure that out. Test levels known not to upset dogs and see how far and how loud that would be in the given venue. Maybe I'm too much of a dreamer and not enough of a scientist to figure this out.
Event planner minds are always working though. Inspiration is everything!
I'm always on the fence about Day 3 of Shaky Knees. Three days standing out in the hot Georgia sun or in puddles as the rain refuses to let up is not a pleasant experience on your body. I mean, when it's sunny you can at least sit down and drink lots of water and then it's not so bad. When it rains though, you are water. Wet and squishy and all together one.
So between constantly running to downtown, from stage to stage, from train to train, it gets kind of tiring. I'm also a total homebody and I don't particularly enjoy being in crowds for three days in a row. I miss my pets and my couch and my own cheap food. I just need more down time on my weekends and I'm already using them to get so much done around the house.
Now, however, I feel guilty about spending all that time in the park without my dog. She is being a total sweetheart and just wants to sunbathe and play ball and enjoy the breeze and spend time with me. I wish Day 3 of Shaky Knees deviated to become Shaky Dogs. Only bands who were cool with dogs possibly barking during their sets would play and all dogs would have to have proof they were updated on all their shots and be people friendly and King of Pops would have dog ice cream and poop bags would be available EVERYWHERE. Also the crowd would openly shame anyone trying to be an asshole and not picking up their dogs poop. It would be great! Instead of VIP areas they could have a small dog fenced park and a large dog fenced park on each side of the stage and benches or folding chairs along the edges for owners. Not right up front my the stage though, but a further out in the back. I mean, seriously people, how does park & sun equal live music and not also equal dogs?
The base would have to be turned down and the sound would need to tweaked so that it wasn't as hard on their ears but still projected out to a large crowd. But I think a few series of experiments could figure that out. Test levels known not to upset dogs and see how far and how loud that would be in the given venue. Maybe I'm too much of a dreamer and not enough of a scientist to figure this out.
Event planner minds are always working though. Inspiration is everything!
Labels: Atlanta, event planner, festivals, live shows, meeting planner, Shaky Knees
Wednesday, May 2, 2018
There aren't a lot of people walking the pond today so I have The Features ringing out through my speakers. It's so peaceful, and warm! I've been making more plans to go to parks with friends, but I wish I had a little pond or park like this closer to me. Although I am very, VERY, grateful to have this option at work. I can't wait to be able to exercise for real, although I'm so nervous about my wrist I would probably still try to wear my brace.
I'm not a huge fan of the Canadian geese. They act like they own the parking lot and the pond and the sidewalks, pretty much all of it. Today they have babies with them though. Six curious, highlighter yellow youngsters. I don't know why but they remind me of my cat Quintus. Maybe it's that look of innocence. They just look so sweet.
It's nice to have these distractions and a place of peace at work.
I'm not a huge fan of the Canadian geese. They act like they own the parking lot and the pond and the sidewalks, pretty much all of it. Today they have babies with them though. Six curious, highlighter yellow youngsters. I don't know why but they remind me of my cat Quintus. Maybe it's that look of innocence. They just look so sweet.
It's nice to have these distractions and a place of peace at work.