I'm putting this here because I don't want to forget this, but I don't want to scare anyone.

I've had digestive issues the past few months, but it takes forever to get in anywhere to get a colonoscopy.  Apparently having an abnormal issue does not give you any seniority over "regular" check-ups.

People all talk about how bad the prep is, but that you're unconscious during the whole procedure, so that part's not as bad.  Maybe it's because my digestive track was already wonky, but the prep wasn't as bad for me.  My number one complaint was that I forgot to pack lotion and my hands were dried out from washing them so much in 24 hours.

In the antheses area we talked about cats and they gave me a cannula and I never realized the oxygen they give you through that has a smell.  I didn't like the smell, but what can you do.

So the part I need to remember in my own words.  The nurses were all nice.  I think I met the doctor briefly before they put me under.  When I came to it was a really smooth transition.  I asked for my glasses and the nurse answered some of my questions (when do I get to put my underwear back on lol), and my mom was there or she was brought in by the time they gave me my glasses.  

The doctor came in and said he was sorry we had to meet like that.  They did find two polyps and removed them, but they also found a tumor and it looks very likely that it's cancerous.  They did a biopsy and he told me that I'll have to go to the hospital to have it removed.  He referred me to a specialist and said that the specialist's office would call me to book my appointment.  The tumor is about the size of a golf ball, and it's near the end so they won't have to get too invasive with the surgery.

My mom was tearing up and so visually upset and I just listened and said thank you and took them as facts I needed to store and process.  I haven't gotten emotional about it, and that's kind of freaked out my mom more. But I didn't fall apart or feel hysterical, and that's not going to help sharing with this doctor who had to be the bearer of bad news.

We stopped at my sister's house on the way home so that I could use the bathroom and my mom told her while I was in the bathroom.  Then we got to my parents house and I had to go again, and again she told my dad while I was in the bathroom.  Honestly, of it all, that really upset me the most, because that's big news and it was my news.  Also my mom immediately started talking about how her friend with breast cancer had to adjust her diet because cancer feeds on sugar and it's just so frustrating when she keeps trying to jump in and tell me what I can and can't eat before my doctors know for sure what I have (she did this the week prior when the lab results hinted I might have colitis).

Okay, so yeah, the best way to finish summing this up is, FUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCK!