Absence makes the heart grow fonder. I hate this quote so much. I read into the origins of it to develop reasoning behind my hatred and it comes from a poem by Thomas Haynes Bayly in 1844 called "Isle of Beauty." Unfortunately in the poem it sounds nice:

What would not I give to wander

Where my old companions dwell?

Absence makes the heart grow fonder:

Isle of Beauty, fare thee well!

But of course it's a well borrowed phrase, originally used much earlier in 1602 by an anonymous writer. I'm sure the anonymity comes from writing something so true and yet so painful. Or maybe he or she just knew that by writing a universal truth it was bound to end up in all kinds of crap books and movies and articles that would surely put him or her to shame. Why is this relevant to the reemergence of libellus? Well, I am currently tricking myself into believing that mentally I am in Italy. In movies people always go far away to think about the important things in their life, and of course magically while they're traveling the distance jars them into realizing the truth about their whole life. Here's the truth: 1a. You can't actually pretend to be in Italy when you have paper after paper to write. My time in Italy flew by so fast because I was constantly moving, constantly exploring, and constantly falling in love with a country. 1b. I am not falling in love with these papers. Being forced to stay still and think about one subject for hours and hours in a row is not a good way to keep your mind off someone you miss. 2. You can't listen to The Cure. You'll feel like you in the 80's missing someone.

People have already started joking about senioritis, but I don't see how they can get it again in college. This semester has been loaded with reading, paper writing, and quizzes for me. Not to mention all the responsibility heaped on me to make appointments and secure my graduation path and to not fail life once I'm out of college. After all the stress of sophomore and junior year I am working hard to raise my GPA enough so when I graduate I can be proud of it.

Libby's taken a sad three month hiatus because of all of that and my time consuming summer job. They apparently want me to work winter break which would be really nice to get paid a fair wage again. They also want me to return next summer to help with their convention at the end of July. My boss had mentioned possibly finding a full-time position for me at the office and I'm hoping that if she was serious about it she will mention it again in December.

All this forward thinking has me pondering my future nonstop. It scares me all the way down to the marrow in my bones. I don't have a life plan like Leslie. I'm not confident in my career possibilities, like Lindsey and Lindsay who are going to be amazing teachers. I don't even have the guts to live out my life like Red or Ashley and Travis. I know I have to be reasonable. But no matter how smart I try to be I worry I'm going to end up living with my sister, Fitz, and at least one dog for the rest of my life. ...at least its a step up from my parent's basement?

Oh yeah, Fitz says HI!