I am throwing myself back into the job search with all I have hoping to fill this void in my life. I had a casual coffee meetings with one of my dad's old work friends to help re-motivate myself and network. She gave me a lot of really good valuable advice, a renewed sense of confidence, and the promise to mention me to everyone she can think of who could use me. I am so beyond words grateful for this kind hearted woman.

For the meeting I wore my new interview clothes, chic and a little 1960's. Maybe just the color choice of the top - it's definitely not very common in this decade. The skirt still doesn't fit right after I lost all that weight but it has cute side pockets that make it easy to readjust inconspicuously. The outfit made me feel grown up but youthful, curvy but professional. Sometimes you really do need an outfit that fits your body the way an outfit should, something to make you feel proud of yourself. I'm nervous, I'm excited. I need this. After the meeting I bought some pumpkin bread and the cute Starbucks guy seemed to be flirting with me, as much as a Starbucks barista can. I need that too.

Women often talk about how their early and mid twenties were the prime years of their life. I'm nearly 23, even though I can't stop thinking that I'm already 23. When it's my turn to look back, I feel like I'm going be pretty unsatisfied, because if these are the prime years of my life I do not know how to enjoy them. I'm a fool, I think.

Labels: job search

Although completely nostalgic, I had a great time reconnecting with my friends on my latest trip to Athens. And then it came, the awkward time when most of my good friends left early and I stayed with the birthday girl and her friends. All of her friends were being extremely nice and I thought I was too, so we were all having a great time and then the switch from tipsy to drunk was flipped.

And this is what I learned: I am a complete jerk to any guy who doesn't want to be friends - when I'm drunk. Sometimes it's that feeling that you're too drunk to say what you want to say mixed with the inability to stop slurring, and in those cases I am a cold hard bitch, or well, a near mute. Come to think of it, there really aren't any other conditions or cases. I would rather freeze someone out than share a long conversation in which I might make a total fool of myself. And I think this is why I can't make guy friends, who aren't gay, even when there is loads of potential. The minute things get awkward or it seems like there is anything more than a friend vibe, instead of addressing it and avoiding it, I just shut the hell up. And the more I think about it, that's kind of one of my biggest vices and the more I realize how far its reaches are, the more I want to work to stop doing that. Is it a step to becoming a better human being? I hope so.

Labels: Athens, life lessons learned with alcohol

Tonight I was watching TV with my sister, struggling through the lapse of attention that comes with migraines, and an old almost country Elvis song came on. I remember watching Blue Hawaii and a few of his other movies while visiting my grandparents in Michigan. When I think of him as an actor, that's the first memory that comes to mind. Hearing that song makes me want to listen to him again and find the perfect Elvis addition to my Oldies but Goodies (name change pending) mix.

Today gave me a really peaceful feeling that I'm not quite sure I deserve. I would meditate on it more but my head is still pounding like fists on a dinner table.

Labels: Elvis, migraines, mixtapes