Mom's early birthday celebrations continue tonight with cards and our sibling photo shoot pictures. I want to strangle my brother but what's new there. We just work better with a few hundred miles in between us.

I have been talking to Summer about our lack of relationships because our grandparents bring it up like it's a travesty. Sometimes I picture us older and unmarried and accomplished, but I always teeter on how happy we'd be. It's no lie that I love being single. I mean, it sucks, but it also comes with a warm feeling. In a lot of ways we're like the sisters from the TV show What I Like About You, except that we're not that fun together. We both hold back. Summer was born to be an adult. I've always pictured her as putting her life together swiftly and charmingly. I've of course imagined myself as more of a train wreck going along piece to piece.

Anyway, it kind of scares me that we've both never been in love. There's that sense of hope that we still have that out there to look forward to. On the other hand, it kind of sucks because she deserves it and I'm pretty sure I'm well.....well I've kind of convinced myself that I can have no control in my life if I want it to go well. All I can do is be myself and put myself wholly into everything I do and whatever becomes of it is what it is.

Surprisingly, I've begun writing again. As always, this happened once I started editing. Apparently I have it all wrong. I'm starting with the beginning, reworking the time line and characteristics of Kaely and rediscovering her story. It makes more sense when I look back at it, that what I have is completely wrong. Driving through Gwinnett in the back of my dad's car with my headphones on proved a worthy start. Maybe I'll rediscover myself this way. I hope I still have enough time to fix what I started.

I have been consumed by my family. Eaten whole and forced to take the loop to loop through the small and large intestines. When I remembered what reality was I began to spend all of my time reading and worrying. I have two projects to work on, three papers, and so much more reading to finish. My head is floating with ideas, but nothing sits well with me. I am steering myself into a two week period of panic attacks, meetings with professors, and melt downs.

Through all of it I am rediscovering the meaning of family in this crazy family of mine. Some of them I want to pull tape over their mouths so that I can eat my food quickly and return to my unhealthy cycle of reading, stressing, and trying to find ideas. Other times it's delightful to have them around. They actually make me an introvert, because who can think with all of those voices sounding at once. Sometimes I want to tell one or two of them that it is not necessary to comment on everything that's said. Sometimes your opinion is best kept to yourself. But they make me who I am. They especially contribute to the crazier inclinations that make up my core. I can't imagine how crazy I'll become without them when I move away. I've begun to wonder if that's how we are only able to appreciate one another fully.

Speaking of moving away, my dear old friend Leslie is ENGAGED! It seems crazy but it's Leslie and that doesn't seem crazy at all for her. It doesn't make me feel any older, but my inner sixteen year old is jumping up and down looking for some attention. I can't help but think of all those talks we had and all the notes we passed, and it all makes perfect sense. For some crazy reason this kind of makes me feel younger. I'm really happy for her. I really miss her.

Charlotte has become the cuddle monster. She warms the bed up before I get there and stays on the bed until I get up around 12. Her feet smell like Doritos and her fur is sooooo soft.

In other news, I may become a crazy dog lady sooner than expected. If my family does not let up on their stubbornly conservative talk I will continue to leave the room and hide out in the Steelers room because I am one of the few who can go up and down the stairs. Strangely, my family has begun to challenge me on injuries. I am one of the healthiest amongst this crowd of over work out-ed, post operation, past fifty. I don't even have anything current to prove I have an unhealthy ability to get hurt fast.

This has become great for my creativity but bad on productivity and overall sociability.

I am so excited about this week because:

- All 4 of my grandparents are coming to visit AND my brother.
- I get to go to church 2 weeks in a row.
- I start getting hungry for Thanksgiving in like August.
- Sibling photo and blood donating!
- I'm baking Cinnamon Swirl bread, which means I get to knead bread, which I oddly love to do.
- Sarah and I can finally see each other.
- Charlotte is being super cuddly.
- The family is getting out passports for this summer.
- We are finalizing our stops on our Germany & Italy vacation.
- I am prematurely excited about going to the mountain town in Italy where my family comes from and spending the night!
- I miss Johns Creek. I miss driving around in it. I miss everything it reminds me of.
- Dad and I are making homemade noodles and homemade meatballs for homemade spaghetti, but even better we're making Wedding Soup!
- Doctor's appointment tomorrow means more migraine medicine!
- I've lost weight.
- PITZELS!
- I got to teach dad parts of the Kookaburra song that he didn't know.
- I got no girl problems.

Negatives about this week:
- I have to do a LOT of school work.
- I have to share my bed with Summer for a few days.
- Erik and I are bound to start a fight.
- My family is kinda crazy.

I guess I do it because I love the satisfaction. The turn out isn't always what I want, but it's never something that can crush my spirits. Even though I've always felt like I give in to my temptations pretty easily, I have come to learn that I am a much stronger person than I thought.

My secret temptress? The scales. (Kind of a funny Libra coincidence.)
I've never bought one for myself, but my mom has always furnished the house with them. Then Lindsay kept one in her bathroom last year and when no one else was home I would sneak in and weigh myself. I guess I like the satisfaction that comes in the results of a good work out schedule or of a healthier diet. But now I live without a scale and I am even more tempted to weigh myself when I know I'm near a scale. The last time I went to Lindsay's it was around dinner time and no where near when I had first woken up, but I had to know. I was shocked to see that I weighed in at the lighter end of my typical "weight range."

Tonight it wasn't until 8 that I realize I was a room away from a scale. With my scale senses tingling I went ahead and weighed myself, only to learn I lost at least 5 pounds. I checked with the two other scales in the house. This is not a lie. This is the crazy truth.

Thanksgiving will not ruin me. Although, I am using the fattening opportunity to persuade my siblings to give blood with me. There's no way they can feel dizzy with that much food in their belly! Speaking of good timing, we have also scheduled a secret photo session so that we can surprise our mom for Christmas. We are on a roll!

Collin dyed her hair and it's cute. After a week of compliments I told her we need to make some new friends, cute guys that deserve us. I've got her convinced and soon we will convince Bolton to hire new worthy candidates. SAY WHAT?!

AHHHHHHH!!!!!! REALLY?!
Dear NBC,
Thank you for putting your tv shows online for free viewing. However, I cannot bear to listen to your sponsor's commercial any longer. Kettle One, FUCK YOU!

Gentlemen, this is vodka.
Really? Am I living under some kind of rock or is vodka really only a man's drink? I was under the distinct impression that women were still very marketable for vodka. Yet Kettle One's two versions of this ad are based around the tradition of being male. What tradition is that exactly? I don't see a tradition. I see inherited ideas, physical development, and insecurity in one's sexuality.

I do love their song choice, however. Spread Your Love by Black Motorcycle Club is full of the double meaning that without using the words, this ad sadly misses. Love is used here like many of the great poets have used it before. Use your imagination.
What I find amusing, however, is that among all of this sexual lust and passion lies the line, She gave her love like a sister. That's a little inappropriate, don't you think?

Let me describe to you what perfect days are made of. This variation of a perfect day is for when you're with family or all by yourself:

Sleep in.
Invite your mom and dog over.
Be kiss attacked by your dog. Then watch as she steps into your lap for more lovin'.
Go to lunch with mom. Order the really good rolls.
Go shopping at Old Navy. Find GREAT deals.
Find shirts that fit you.
Your biggest shopping woe is that you have long arms.
You give up on long sleeved mediums only to right away find a different design that has long sleeved larges that fit like mediums but have longer sleeves.
Woop in the dressing room.
Model for your mom.
Discover that she gets the Veteran's Day discount. (30%!!!)
Learn that she was in the Navy during the Grenada War.
Go to the Dollar Tree and find great buys.
Go to Walmart and find what you need right away.
Stop and get ice cream.
Go home and enjoy time with your dog.
Force your mom to cut your bangs.
Enjoy a fresh cheap new cut.
HUG!
Hold on tight.
Say goodbye and finish ice cream.

Watch A Cinderella Story.
Decorate cute things for your Little.
Finish a mixtape for a new friend.
Make a cute penguin magnet.
Watch Beauty and the Beast.
Eat sour neon gummy worms.
Watch Amelie while snuggling with your teddy bear.
Embrace your hidden dreams.

While composing a mixtape of my five favorite bands, and their two side projects, I had a revelation over the musical genius of one Anthony Caleb Followill and one Ivan Nathaniel Followill.


You got your cozy little corner
All night you're jammin' on your feet
Hangin' out just like a street sign
- Red Morning Light by Kings of Leon

I understand the song is about a hooker, but this line makes me laugh. How many times have you described that street sign on the corner as "hangin' out?" Twice a week?

It's turned out to be a tough venture using only 7 bands and 5 voices. I managed to fit 23 songs on it and as soon as I rearrange the end of the middle it will be done!!! I have to listen to this one a whole time through before I give it away just because of how scared I am that this will be my worst mix ever. Such a scary thought!

You can't forget this. In the darkest of winters, in the blurry white streets of Michigan or the Ray Ban packed sidewalks of Athens, this is what holds true.

You deserve far better than what you've even seen. It's one thing to hear an old familiar song and let your heart get caught up in it, singing it out and holding on to the idea that this song describes this moment, this person, this feeling RIGHT NOW. It's a whole other experience when you hear a song for the first time and every verse, every chorus, every melody feels like it has been in your heart this whole time and somebody has finally found a way to let it out.

I love you. For who you are. No matter what you've been through, no matter what you're feeling, no matter how much of the truth you can see.

Those guys who don't see all that we see, who don't hold on to the beliefs that we hold in our hearts, they're crazy to think that we are not going to grow, to adapt, to become stronger than the little girls they think we are. You are one of the strongest forces in my life. When ever you think you're weak, you show me how brave and strong you are deep inside. Every time I want to crumble to my inner little girl stature, you show me how to stand like a woman.

Maybe people don't tell you this enough. Maybe you don't see it, but it's there. You have the heart and the soul, the brains and the beauty of a strong woman. You have always been good enough.

I love you deep deep down in my hopeless little heart.

It's that time of year again folks! Hop on the bandwagon, we're about to set sail!
Hurry up and perfect your shades of pale before it's all the rage in the winter! Don't be some Twilight poser, lose that summer skin before all the usuals start spray tanning themselves orange.

After all, what's the point of being born on the darkest part of the night if you look like a common day walker? We can't all get our hands on those special Vampire Diaries rings. So wrap yourself up in a few scarves, put the flaps down on that lumber jack hat of yours, grab your mittens, and snuggle up in a handful of layering coats. Let's white out this winter!

Leave the light on.
I was searching for some old John Mayer song and when awoken by reality found myself listening to some song he made very sadly to sound eighties-ish. Then I found myself listening to little kids singing the Kookaburra song, which was adorable. My dad's childhood nickname was kookaburra because he apparently looked like one, which is either really mean or really clever.

Then somehow I ended up listening to White Dove, which is so so sad, but when you're writing sad stories do you put fun songs like Poker Face on? No no no no.

Good thing nothing can control my dreams anymore. All I ever dream about is driving illegally with really poor breaks and feeling awful about breaking the law and being frightened about almost dying when the breaks give out. The rest of the time it's just nightmares about Bolton.

I hate to admit it, but when I sing along I often find myself singing with a drawl. But man do I love to sing with my little southern drawl to Acid Tongue. Jenny knows what I'm talking about.

(man: "Someone's always paying for that banter baby.")

I went to a cobbler
To fix a hole in my shoe
He took one look at my face
And said, "I can fix that hole in you"

I beg your pardon
I'm not looking for a cure
Seen enough of my friends
In the depths of the godsick blues

You know I am a liar
You know I am a liar
Nobody helps a liar

Cause I've been down to Dixie
And dropped acid on my tongue
Tripped upon the land
Until enough was enough

I was a little bit lighter
And adventure on my sleeve
I was a little drunk
And looking for company

So I found myself a sweetheart
With the softest of hands
We were unlucky in love
But I'd do it all again

We build ourselves a fire
We build ourselves a fire
But you know I am a liar
You know I am a liar

And you don't know what I've done.

By the rolling river is
Exactly where I was
There was no snake or cure
For unlucky in love

To be lonely is a habit
Like smoking or taking drugs
And I've quit them both
But man, was it rough

Now I am tired
It just made me tired
Let's build ourselves a fire
Let's build ourselves a fire

This song is so beautiful live. With her hair swaying fire red, she makes it so damn personal.

Oh my gosh!!! Lindsey, my love, quoted me on facebook.
My message to her is her facebook status!!!
I am shocked and excited!!! LOVE IT!

Lou challenged me to avoid bruising, falling, tripping or generally hurting myself for two days. Not even a day in I cut my finger at work, got hit by a spinning cereal bowl to the ankle, and have found at least two mystery bruises. On a similar note, someone at work ripped out the heart on my name tag.

The true friend said:
"I have bubble tape. I will wrap you in it. I will also install a green flashing light on top of your head. Objects will flee."

I am hoping bubble tape doesn't get too hot or constricting. Green says go, however. I will talk color ideas with her later.