Mom's early birthday celebrations continue tonight with cards and our sibling photo shoot pictures. I want to strangle my brother but what's new there. We just work better with a few hundred miles in between us.

I have been talking to Summer about our lack of relationships because our grandparents bring it up like it's a travesty. Sometimes I picture us older and unmarried and accomplished, but I always teeter on how happy we'd be. It's no lie that I love being single. I mean, it sucks, but it also comes with a warm feeling. In a lot of ways we're like the sisters from the TV show What I Like About You, except that we're not that fun together. We both hold back. Summer was born to be an adult. I've always pictured her as putting her life together swiftly and charmingly. I've of course imagined myself as more of a train wreck going along piece to piece.

Anyway, it kind of scares me that we've both never been in love. There's that sense of hope that we still have that out there to look forward to. On the other hand, it kind of sucks because she deserves it and I'm pretty sure I'm well.....well I've kind of convinced myself that I can have no control in my life if I want it to go well. All I can do is be myself and put myself wholly into everything I do and whatever becomes of it is what it is.

Surprisingly, I've begun writing again. As always, this happened once I started editing. Apparently I have it all wrong. I'm starting with the beginning, reworking the time line and characteristics of Kaely and rediscovering her story. It makes more sense when I look back at it, that what I have is completely wrong. Driving through Gwinnett in the back of my dad's car with my headphones on proved a worthy start. Maybe I'll rediscover myself this way. I hope I still have enough time to fix what I started.