I have been consumed by my family. Eaten whole and forced to take the loop to loop through the small and large intestines. When I remembered what reality was I began to spend all of my time reading and worrying. I have two projects to work on, three papers, and so much more reading to finish. My head is floating with ideas, but nothing sits well with me. I am steering myself into a two week period of panic attacks, meetings with professors, and melt downs.

Through all of it I am rediscovering the meaning of family in this crazy family of mine. Some of them I want to pull tape over their mouths so that I can eat my food quickly and return to my unhealthy cycle of reading, stressing, and trying to find ideas. Other times it's delightful to have them around. They actually make me an introvert, because who can think with all of those voices sounding at once. Sometimes I want to tell one or two of them that it is not necessary to comment on everything that's said. Sometimes your opinion is best kept to yourself. But they make me who I am. They especially contribute to the crazier inclinations that make up my core. I can't imagine how crazy I'll become without them when I move away. I've begun to wonder if that's how we are only able to appreciate one another fully.

Speaking of moving away, my dear old friend Leslie is ENGAGED! It seems crazy but it's Leslie and that doesn't seem crazy at all for her. It doesn't make me feel any older, but my inner sixteen year old is jumping up and down looking for some attention. I can't help but think of all those talks we had and all the notes we passed, and it all makes perfect sense. For some crazy reason this kind of makes me feel younger. I'm really happy for her. I really miss her.