Bridgerton felt like an Austen dream fantasy escape. Those clothes, the scenery, that actor...fantasy. I loved so much about it. Especially when a string quartet performed modern pop covers over crucial scenes. The realization of the scene with this song is so fitting. And the theme is so fitting for this year. 

I was so cautious. Painfully cautious. Rightfully cautious. And the enemy still caught me. Slugging back Riesling trying to avoid a teenager’s moody storm flying off a young girl. Collecting dirty dishes to hide out in the kitchen. Polite family hugs. Breathe in. Cough. Ha! 

It’s an apparently highly contagious strain. Although, hopefully, mild. I have a cough that comes and goes, from deep in my diaphragm. It raises my whole chest. It cannot be spoken over. I have body aches, intense sore limbs, but I also was trying to maneuver ill placed boxes before my symptoms presented themselves. I’m not as drained as the others, but trying to pursue a normal course requires too much of my energy. 

I pray this is the worst. That the solitude is the worse. That it won’t have any future impact. That it won’t pass on to anyone else. 

And just in case it’s not the worse, in case there’s more, I’m putting my affairs together. I would like to promise there will be no more uncomfortable letters, but I write. When all else fails. If all comes to an end, I want to share my words, one last time. 

So happy fucking new year. Please bring better news. Please bring more love. Make more love. Bring back live music and hugging and squealing with good friends. 

Labels: Bridgerton, Covid, Jane Austen

This song is like my unofficial singles holiday theme. Another year facing the holidays alone, or third wheeling couples. I can be alone, yeah, I can watch a sunset on my own. Or more like ‘go home and turn on the Christmas lights and enjoy the tree alone.’

This is my first real tree and my first time putting up a tree and the first time decorating my house with lights. Fitz has a history of chewing on artificial trees and that’s what I grew up with. He did good when we lived with my sister and she bought a real tree, so I decided to take a risk this year. After the year we had, I thought a beautifully lit tree would really make me feel better about it getting dark so early. 

And so that became my theme, Merry and Bright. I went with fun colored lights in my tree and bought a tree skirt that has tasteful “lights” that do in fact light up. The previous owners left nails around the front of my house, painted to match each section of house, which made it pretty easy to string lights outside too.

I didn’t plan to put lights up outside. With only one income, it seemed too frivolous to pay for my neighbors to enjoy my lights. But the beautiful lights are one of my favorite things about the holidays. They make me feel warm and cozy, merry and bright. A little less alone. 

It turns out they set quite the festive scene in my living room with the interior lights out and the tree on. It might even be considered romantic. Instead it warms my heart, with both cats vying to curl up in my lap or circle until they’re laying in my arms like a baby. 

I stopped seeing someone at the beginning of November when it became clear that my heart wasn’t in  it. It wasn’t going anywhere and it made sense not to be entangled during the holidays. And dating during Covid is strange enough on its own. So even though alone isn’t where I want to be, I still picked a theme song with a good beat that will let me dance into a new year with pep and maybe a few calories burned.