I have a habit of never directly saying what I mean. Right? Isn't that what you tell me? I'm confusing.

Let's be honest: I craft my confusion out of my deepest desires to avoid a certain kind of vulnerability. Pauses. Smiles. Shifts. Sometimes I just don't want to tell you.

Some days you wake up with a secret under your bit lip. Some days you wake up with the glowing happiness of a secret worth telling. Today is not the latter.

Go with me here. Come away with me. In a little bit. Bite. Bite down. Bite your tongue. Bite me. Sassy attitude. Sassy style. Choose a style. It's your choice. Tell me your decision. I'd say:

Plump legs, never meant to be fitted to the standard shape. Fitted. Shaped. In shape. Plus size. Sized up. In style. Hair styled up. Hair that required a double take. Take that back. Swishing down her back. Light red hair. Golden. Fair. Fair skinned, plump calved, nude pumps. Business savy. Redhead sassy. Fiery glare. glance over. Meek smile, no glare. Lips turned up, eyes cast down, blush. Look up. The sweetest smile I've ever seen. Oh, sweetheart.

The best part of Spring Break is being compared to the warm and fuzzy feeling that pumpkin pie gives and then being told I'm better at that.

I have been truly, utterly, horribly busy the past few weeks. Every night is packed, and if it's not, someone wants that time. Mondays are filled with work, Tuesdays with Gamma Sigma Sigma, Wednesdays I spend too much time at the radio station, Thursdays are prone to being girls' nights, and then it's Friday and the weekend follows and ends too quickly. So as of late I've been having very mundane daydreams. They range from spending a day with Leslie to drinking a glass of wine with Jenn and talking Latin, to snuggling with my dog while watching a movie.

I miss going to the movies with Leslie in the middle of the day sneaking in skittles or gummy bears, what have you, and spending the day doing stupid little, secret, things that make you feel at home. I watched Underground: Revolution last night and thought of her. It was strange realizing it was her birthday and then watching that.

And I need to call Sarah. I want to meet her dog and catch up and get Starbucks. Drink hot chocolate in some over sized chair.

I finished reading my book, all snuggled up in my covers, drinking hot chocolate in bed, and making little kid noises to myself when my marshmallows started to roll around. It was adorable, like a part of myself that I left behind when I came to college. I want that back but I want to move forward. I want to feel certain, to make good grades, make a career for myself, help myself out, be responsible, be an adult, be a woman, but I don't want to have to give up acting like a little kid, making little kid noises, dancing around the house like I'm 8, and making funny faces. People don't take you as seriously when you do all that at my age.