It's true I haven't been myself the past two weeks. I've been several versions, sure, but not the one I expected. I continued to feel awful in the mornings and it worsened to a daily motion sickness before noon. I felt cursed, like I was cursed with a stomach bug that could mutate and continue to haunt me. I got a third opinion, switched the times I take my medicine, and instantly felt better. It was unbelievable how easy it was.

I changed my routine just in time to help watch my niece for three days. I knew when I found out my sister was pregnant that I would love this girl my whole life and that it would be something new and different. She's always been a mama's girl, so much so that she's had trouble sharing her and letting others in. She's a small child, so that's understandable, except to me these past few years. I wanted so badly to connect with her and she had little interest in me. Now she thinks I'm a teenager with unending energy, who can be her playmate whenever she says. My love for her has evolved, has grown, and has shaped my sense of self.

It's hard to be at this stage in my life, in between, alone, and yet so dependent on others. It's hard to keep my ego in check and take this generosity, but I really am so lucky. After being employed outside of my profession, outside of my preferred pay, it was hard to not get the hell out and move back to Dunwoody to apartment after apartment for my pride. To say I take care of myself just fine. I'm so glad I didn't.

I am going to be the best auntie I can be. I am going to keep on sharing all my loves with the next generation of my family and I'm not gonna hide behind fear. I will find a house and I will make it a home that doesn't let you feel alone. It doesn't need a ton of furniture or things to overflow with love, and I will do my best not to fill it with hundreds of cats. I will be knowledgeable enough and responsible enough and only slightly scared and I will host my own sleepovers with my niece and nephew and we will garden and read together and teach Luke how to pet the cats nicely.