Today was a strange day. Not at all what I expected from Pi day.

Labels: finding happiness, good will come, library book, mixes, music appreciation, new playlist, pi day, sick day, swooning, work stress

I can be pretty dumb.  When depression does find me, I close myself off.  I don't remember ever sitting any of my friends down and telling them what I was going through.  Did I ever tell you?  Sometimes I think it's those old friendships that visit Libby, to check in on what's new in my life, since I never call them up to talk about it.

I went to St. Augustine to visit my old friend in October.  I am so much more than just grateful that she invited me to visit her.  It wasn't like we picked up our friendship where we left off, because we don't have that anymore.  I got real weird and different and our friendship felt real damaged for years.  And still she invited me back.

We went to a concert like old times, except we walked there from her house.  We went for a walk on the beach one morning and collected trash and recycling to keep it from going back out into the ocean.  We went to explore the historical side of town and she gave me a guided tour.

I never expected myself to love living in the country so much. I didn't realize there was so much to discover about myself.  Meanwhile, living down in a sunny beach town, my old friend still has so much in common with this new me.  She has always been cooler than me though, so of course she's been at this longer than me.  I am grateful for all that she's shared with me - on composting, beekeeping, and how to keep an orchid alive and blooming.

I don't know if I can do that drive again by myself anytime soon, but if I am going to continue on this part of bettering myself and finding the good and the light and the ones I love, then I am going to try. Maybe we can make it a long weekend.

Side Note: I couldn't write this post about St. Augustine and not use an Avett Brothers song for the title, but if this post could have two unrelated songs, then it would also be Car by Built to Spill.

Labels: Avett Brothers, beekeeping, composting, depression, friendship, good will come, orchids, Red, St. Augustine, stay in the light

The wind outside is fierce.  I have so much to say, but no idea who I'm saying it to.  My memory is so iffy lately that I'm thinking of starting a physical journal to chronicle all the little things that get said and done, but not written down.

I can never remember things fully.  Just the associated emotions.

My recovery is moving a lot faster than I expected.  My family did point out how severely bruised and sore I was all over going into surgery the first time, so I guess it makes sense.  There was so much uncertainty about whether I would need a second operation.

I am only going to be positive about this surgery and do all the assigned work.  I am going to end up happy and healed. I am going to hit my garden with full force in the spring, but I'm going to be more cautious with all the weights.  Be more creative with how I move large plants. Invite teamwork.    Maybe I'll have some nerve damage in my finger for a month, a year, a decade.  Maybe eventually I'll stop noticing it.  Maybe one day I'll bashfully look into drumming lessons.

I can't do over the past two years, but I can do better for the next two.

Labels: be positive, good will come, recovery