I'm on day two of a migraine that won't go away.  It's the first time in over a year that my over the counter meds haven't worked.  It's times like these that I can feel myself being tested.  I always feel like I'm running behind after a migraine, like I lost valuable time to get things done.  And I have, with four things just today, but there's more time.  That's what I have to tell myself to calm down I guess.

Don't stress.  Focus on what's important: family, love, and good health. 

Labels: migraines, priorities, Rilo Kiley

I want to cut off my hair and get real ugly. No make-up, just perfect hair. I had perfect hair again today.

I met some girls tonight who are the tan obsessed type. Not the always ridiculously tan type, but the type that wants to have some color all year long. Melissa and I prized our pale skin. One of these new girls told me that I had a good complexion, for being pale, and that it worked on me. She would be happy to see that same pale color next summer, after I spend the winter wearing sweatshirts and socks and boots and colored tights and tons of layers.

Girls say being single is a good thing, you can do all the things you couldn't and you can go on a kissing spree kissing tons of new boys. I've already done that, I don't want to go back to that. I found what I want and it was never limiting. I was happy.

Mom says to listen to happy music to cheer me up. I know Lindsay would tell me to stay away from the Rilo Kiley. It pains my heart to even think about listening to Rilo Kiley, but I can't relate to happy music. I tried to find loud angry music, but I don't really have that. I burst out crying at the beginning of 99 Problems, so that will take some time to get back to. I couldn't get myself back into Camera Obscura for a long while but it felt perfect this afternoon.

People say to take time. Don't talk. Let things simmer and give people time to think about what's happened from a different frame of mind. But I can't stay silent. And I'd hate to become one of those sad girls who tells the internet all of her problems, but I don't give a shit as long as I have perfect hair.

Labels: Camera Obscura, dating, dating advice, fuck silence, hair cuts, pale, pale girls rule, perfect hair, Rilo Kiley

I have spent my daydream hours (minutes?) of today creating a new music video in my head for Rilo Kiley's Portions for Foxes. Sometimes I really do wish I was getting an education to be a director, but I don't believe I'm that creative and there's no way I could make a film that was 1/2 rubbish. The video in my head is centered around some cute brunette girl and her view of reality mixed with her visions of happiness. It would be a bunch of real short clips at the front of her and some guy highlighting the dynamic of their relationship with a visible fight towards the end. All of that during the instrumental opening. I know, I'm ambitious, but hey, there's 26 seconds of it.

Then the camera mainly sticks with the girl, who will be physically biting her lip watching TV during the first line. The camera would flip between the girl watching TV, to her reminiscing on her relationship with the boy, back to the TV and the girl getting frustrated. That's about the first 50 seconds of it. I have to get to work or else I would elaborate on my daydreams of daydreams.

On the topic of myself, I have had a very Portions For Foxes kind of day. Not like my daydream, but a pretty upbeat day in the mix of so much stress and expectations. It's sunny out and I talked with a cute guy at school today and we laughed and smiled like it was no big deal. I wore pigtails braids without caring about how much younger it makes me look. The sun smiled down at me and I in return smiled to my neighbor. I toured my apartment and didn't care. A friend gave me a Smarties and it was like the end to an ideal school day. However ideal in the sense of a good normal. Nothing horrible has happened yet. No boy is going to break my heart. I can drive. I get to see Kaitlyn & Collin tonight. I left a fun surprise for my friend at the radio station. Life is good today.

Labels: daydreams, lip bite, Portions of Foxes, Rilo Kiley