I have spent my daydream hours (minutes?) of today creating a new music video in my head for Rilo Kiley's Portions for Foxes. Sometimes I really do wish I was getting an education to be a director, but I don't believe I'm that creative and there's no way I could make a film that was 1/2 rubbish. The video in my head is centered around some cute brunette girl and her view of reality mixed with her visions of happiness. It would be a bunch of real short clips at the front of her and some guy highlighting the dynamic of their relationship with a visible fight towards the end. All of that during the instrumental opening. I know, I'm ambitious, but hey, there's 26 seconds of it.

Then the camera mainly sticks with the girl, who will be physically biting her lip watching TV during the first line. The camera would flip between the girl watching TV, to her reminiscing on her relationship with the boy, back to the TV and the girl getting frustrated. That's about the first 50 seconds of it. I have to get to work or else I would elaborate on my daydreams of daydreams.

On the topic of myself, I have had a very Portions For Foxes kind of day. Not like my daydream, but a pretty upbeat day in the mix of so much stress and expectations. It's sunny out and I talked with a cute guy at school today and we laughed and smiled like it was no big deal. I wore pigtails braids without caring about how much younger it makes me look. The sun smiled down at me and I in return smiled to my neighbor. I toured my apartment and didn't care. A friend gave me a Smarties and it was like the end to an ideal school day. However ideal in the sense of a good normal. Nothing horrible has happened yet. No boy is going to break my heart. I can drive. I get to see Kaitlyn & Collin tonight. I left a fun surprise for my friend at the radio station. Life is good today.

Labels: daydreams, lip bite, Portions of Foxes, Rilo Kiley

2K10 and post 201, whooo! I have become so short on time lately to the point where I miss Libby! I'm sure everyone else is waiting for some new spurt of crazy. I could tell you some crazy stories. Probably.

Instead I'll stick with reflections and revelations of 2010. If this were my mother speaking, we would probably also be having some revivals. I swear I inherited poor word choice from her. So reflections, change is inevitable. Not everything is preventable. Forgiveness is key.

The other week Jenn described me so well that it took my breathe away. I then forgot it, but I blame the wine for that. I'm going to have to have her repeat it, but it was basically I am very liberal with other people and their actions but I am almost prudish in my ideas for myself. It sounded a lot better than that. I just have my mother's faulty memory. I swear, my dad and I can tell her five times that we've taken care of something and two days later she will tell us she had no idea we did that and ask why we didn't tell her.

Realizations. Any way. I have the worst talent for speaking with guys I actually like. In fact, it appears I am much better at semi-matchmaking them with my friends. When conversations come to the part where you should share more or ask more I just bring up some friend I find amazing and then it's all down hill. I think this is why I can't keep school girl crushes for very long. Also why my feelings for someone can so easily waver.

Reflections. Nicki and I now have pretty much the same mentality toward guys. We are oblivious and happy that way. We have this way with friendships where we ignore any possible idea that a guy likes us. It is probably half because we really want guy friends and half because it's easier that way. And maybe because we're awkward enough to pull it off. Mostly because we're awkward. Also Nicki has this look. It is brilliant. You can get so distracted trying to decipher it that you lose all focus.

At the end of the day I want to have a nice home, where I can dance like a six year old in the kitchen and not feel judged, but be so completely happy. There are certain parts of parenthood that I can't wait for. Like teaching my kids how to dance and wiggle their little butts around like Charlotte's tail wagging when she's getting a doggy treat. And dancing like a six year old. And pretending to tolerate ladybugs. And cuddling with your own flesh and blood during the scary parts of Disney movies. Like Beauty and the Beast.

Labels: awkward, daydreams, realizations, reflections