I hate this feeling. I can't put my make-up on without having to fix it five minutes later. And this heaving feeling in my chest, why does it have to follow me around? I was so set after About a Boy to adopt a new outlook but I'm just a mess of contradictions.

I had strange dreams of him teasing me, woke up with a headache and somehow all that set off the memory filter so that I'm stuck remembering all these stupid wonderful things and it won't stop. It's a bitch. At the end of every memory I just feel empty.

I have to pick myself up. I can't go to class like this. I can't live my life like this.