It took me a while to find this song after I first heard it on Grey's Anatomy, but in the end the easiest way to find something is to start from the beginning. The song itself was perfect for this week - sickly sweet when you play it on repeat, but whose lyrics you can't help but smile to.  Similar to Home by Edward Sharp and Ho, Hey by The Lumineers.  I'm sure in the next two years it will be played at several weddings.

I find hearing new love songs when I don't have someone special in my life to be numbing.  It's kinda like I can't fully hear the song because I can't fully appreciate it now, but it also feels like a choice.

Then there are all the love songs you knew and loved when you had someone.  It's like I can't reassign them.  They're about that one person and can't be re-purposed.  I hate that.  There are songs I avoid now just so I won't be reminded. That sounds silly and it feels silly, but I know I'm not alone.  I had a friend in college come over one night with an empty flash drive and download half my library because she couldn't listen to any of her own music without thinking about her ex. I couldn't imagine living in a world like that until I did.

I used to live in my mixes in iTunes, so eager to make a new one and burn it for a friend.  But then Spotify came and I don't know why I didn't rush to make mixes with it.  I think I was going through shit, losing myself and reshaping myself and I just let my ex run the mixes without me.  I mean I had some input, but I didn't try as hard as he did.  I lost my vision for perfect mixes. The mixes I have in Spotify from when we are together are like vague ideas, short, incomplete, and not really worth finishing.  I haven't exactly finished any of the mixes I made after him either, but they're not meant to fit on cds anymore so they don't need the constraints of a time limit. I like that a lot.  It's like I set them free.

Edit: Since the song is not easy to find, I'll share it here.

Labels: itunes, love songs, mixes, spotify, We used to be friends.