You're not haunting me. I was free.  I tried not to linger too long on memories of you and us.  You showed up in my dreams occasionally, but you had been for so long it wasn't much different.  My world fell apart and got better and fell apart all over again without any connection to you.  So much went wrong, so much that I've been too embarrassed to even allude to on Libby.

Before you started cutting ties, you seemed like you were finding yourself more.  You seemed happier.  I never knew if you intentionally meant to leave certain ties in tact until you cut those too, but they allowed me to paint this picture of you moving on and being happy.  I don't know if that helped, since my life was going to shit and all, but I have always wanted the best for you so that's the picture I painted.

Your comment did not hurt me the way haunting implies.  I didn't expect you to reply, but I wanted to make you acknowledge yourself.  It's childish, but I couldn't convince myself that you would come back here, that you weren't actually a troll from Singapore.  That sounds made up, but Libby attracts a variety of foreigners according to her statistics and I can't figure out why there are over a 100 views from Poland in the last month and 10 from Singapore in the past week alone.

Going through all those bad times did allow me to start over.  I stripped myself bare, went off all my meds, detoxed and started again.  I'm building myself back up like Kenneth did when he got fired from the Page Program.  The dreams, while mostly sexual, have been resurfacing thoughts of you because I have to find a way to move forward with that piece of myself.  I haven't figured that out yet, which is why I still reference you throughout Libby.  I don't want to hurt you, but I'm not going to censor myself here.

Labels: comments, dreams, Libby, my response, past love