Friday we stayed in with her friends and watched French film #1: Love Me If You Dare. It was crazy messed up, but I LOVED it! Loved it, loved it. Waffle House, sucky service, what's new.
Saturday I allotted my time so that everything would go swimmingly. Until the Bitch ran into me while I was backing out in my parking lot. I'm not one to cry bitch, but a bitch is a bitch especially when your roommate says so.
She called the cops, who can't point the finger on private property, so we both went away ticket free although I broke her light, badly, and she just tucked in the corner of my bumper. Bitch didn't even clean up her broken glass, just took her Wendy's takeout and bratty friends to her apartment. Um hello, there are pets living here, nonetheless people! I will not have poor Steve, my favorite and friendliest neighbor, get cut on glass because his owners don't believe in Georgia's leash laws and Bitch doesn't clean up her own messes.
I went to the retreat anyway, bonded with amazing girls, felt like part of a huge family...something I've been missing since Girl Scouts, and took scandalous photos at midnight involving a dock, the ferry boat, and a bunch of ridiculously adorable girls.
Sunday was/is like roommate bonding extreme. Mary came along because she needed some groceries. Lindsay was there to be my moral support for approaching the Delta Sigs. And so it went like this:
I drove. First stop Delta Sig house. Lindsay lead me to the laundry room entrance. She interrupted this guy and his relative (mom?) having a friendly chat whilst he did his laundry. We told him our purpose. I waved my letter. He brought out the hung over president of the fraternity. Oh dear! Secret meeting with the Prez in the laundry room, with the letter. Totally illegal.
Well the President had no idea what we were talking about, Lindsay ended up doing all the talking, AND she shook his hand. haha. "The letters. To the soldiers. The one you asked us to write for you. (So that you could throw big parties this weekend with Cartel.)" "The what?" "The LETTERS!" (Side Note: How does the President of a fraternity not know what the guys in charge of service hours are doing?!) "Oh I think I know who to give this too." (So hung over!) We shuffle away awkwardly, I'm laughing so hard I'm about to bend over, and they slam the door. Totally illegal. The Laundry Room. lol.
We go shopping. We hit Kroger, and the bank, and Target. Lindsay calls me hilarious or adorable or something while I'm driving. Apparently she doesn't multi-task in the form of driving/talking to her mom on the phone/listening to roomies conversations/muttering to herself/talking with a sticky note in her mouth. I guess I'm special.
We shop. We eat at Panera. Lindsay and I watch another twisted French Film, À la folie... pas du tout, He Loves Me...He loves Me Not. Love Audrey Tautou! Love her! The usual Sunday scene hits our TV. We watch Brothers & Sisters and cheer in excitement when Justin and Rebecca finally have sex, FINALLY! Lindsay later on the phone said of this moment, "We finally had sex." and as a correction, "Well obviously I felt like I was there." I'm paraphrasing, but I definitely piped up that it 'sounded like it was a threesome, and she was in it.' I said I wanted to find a straight Scotty. Cause, damnn, Scotty is so damn supportive. Love Scotty! I do want a straight Scotty.
This prompted a "Fuck, we're both single" kinda conversation. Which lead to, "We go to college, we practically live on campus, how are we not finding guys? It's not like we're looking for guys at bars or at our own booths at Tate." I figured out the basics of Plan Find A Guy. (Classy title cred goes to yours truly, believer in real classy titles.) Lindsay will set up shop at the cream/napkins/whatever side table thing in the SLC next to Jittery Joes. Her plan: To nod and say hey with a sexy implication to any (maybe hot or attractive or not gay?) guy who goes to use the table/bar/whatever thing. She'll of course use her charm and dashing good looks to win the hearts of several Ryan Adams look alikes.
Back to my plan. Yours truly will sit outside of Park Hall, with a classy book or the best of the best of the pale people magazines (Paste, Spin as an alternative) and headphones on low listening to the coolest of cool songs while sitting on that little semi circle brick half wall facing Park. Lindsay thinks I'll be scowling at all the Park guys with their girlfriends shuttling them about, but I think I can accomplish a satisfying scowl when no one's looking. We're both just hoping that I can get words out of my mouth when approached by Park guys, cause we know how well I shut up in the presence of hot males. Due to this inhibiting factor, we believe she will have higher chances of succeeding with the plan than I will. This is unless I can find a plethora of guys who love creative girls who don't seem to talk much around them.
Mad men. Season finale. Sparked a phone call to Alex. Somehow they/we were talking about Ryan Adams. Because I plan on working in/with the music industry, Lindsay now thinks I'll introduce her to Ryan Adams before Alex will. She mentioned Ryan Adams and his stuffed animals, and how they talk in his blogs, and I made this face that wouldn't go away and prompted her to yell, "You can have any one else but him! You don't get Ryan Adams!"
Caught up in roommate bonding and red hot cheek bones I said, "I'm like 99.9% sure I'll lose my virginity to a musician," "Not him!" "...of some kind." A minute later she makes me break out in unending laughter/school girl giggles with "101% the way you're talking."
I was not aware I was talking about sleeping with lots of musicians previously. I am now the tour bus whore of the conversation and Lindsay is living in New York with her husband Ryan Adams, watching him line up his stuffed animals and putting on his Marc Jacobs jacket.
I regain my not so slutty apartment status when she writes on facebook,
"I would jump him in a heartbeat. He would be like, "Hi, ...I'm Ryan." And I would start unbuttoning my jeans."
So I started watching Ryan Adams vlogs, laughed so damn hard, had a heartfelt moment, and started to resume listening to his music. Ryan loves his stuffed animals and I love that he's on day two of no smoking, because people shouldn't make smoking look sexy.
And that is how roommates bond while acting like little girls the whole time, classy and witty.
posted by Songs of Love at 1:40 AM
