I'm pissed off by how much people use each other. The philia, brotherly/sisterly love, that all my friends were just drunk off last year has dissipated to a casual conversation and total bullshit. Bullshit.

I'm not dissing all of my friends, and I'm certainly not mad at all of them. I just think that the absence of the impersonal dorm life has left some of us sticking to our comfort zones, hanging with the same people, and in some cases, we (they)'ve stopped caring. When my friends get sick I go to their place and make them soup or at least offer to. I visit them when they're left alone being sick. Take away my closest friends and no one from last year lifted an eyebrow when I couldn't leave my bed. I care too much, I understand. I want to speak of love and beauty and art and then I rant. I could probably help it, I just like it too damn much.

Close friends. They cared, they sent loving texts. Except for those few. I'm not saying this rant is about one or all of those few, but it's about the attitudes I've seen come from them.

Today I thought, I should call L. soon and we should get dinner because it's crazy that we live 2 minutes away from each other and we're both on the meal plan but we never eat together.
Around dinner time she texted me. I was excited until I read it. A quick compliment to butter me up & then straight to "Can I borrow your dress?"

I wasn't too upset at that point, we borrow clothes every once and a while, I could still ask her to go eat. Until she called me to follow up on getting the dress. No 'are you feeling better's or 'we should get together soon's. Just me being used, skirting away from confrontation, and dealing with the emotional side effects.

Can anyone blame me for leaving all this shit behind me to spend a weekend in a beautiful rural town in North Carolina, with my warm and loving grandparents? It sounds like a fairy tale right now.

Labels: college., rant