I have this inner monologue about who people are and who people want to be bubbling up to my lips every five or so hours and I still haven't written it down. I'm going to lose it I fear but for some reason I'm being stubborn and not writing it down to remember. It bubbled up in my sleep and was fresh on my mind when I awoke from my faux nap. It bubbled up in class. It came to me again on the bus. I'm afraid it's trying to tell me something. If it is, if it's what I think it is, I don't want to hear it. I'm not listening.

Besides, I have no time. Tonight I bailed on what I wanted to do for sleep. Tomorrow I will be unsure all day about choosing between what I need to do and what seems to be happening. I'm not regretting getting a Thursday/Friday job, I just wish I had more time in the rest of the week, because now everyday is something. Every day is bubbling over and the steam is causing the kettle to sing and I can't take this. I just can't take this.

I went from having nothing to having too much, and I still don't have enough. So when I have enough for happiness, how unhappy will i be? How stressed and worried and frantic will I be then? Will I have to take it then? I just, can't, take it.

It's sixteen miles to the promise land, and I promise you, I'm doing the best I can.