I had the strangest procedure done today. I went to the dermatologist about the white bumps around my eyes, she told me they're cysts that are under my skin and offered to zap them away, right away. So I went ahead and laid back and she charged the strange machine on the wall. It was like going to the eye doctors and having to keep your eyes open during those strange eye tests and a bit like getting a tattoo. The pain was sudden and it felt like I was being stung, which made a lot of sense when my eyes started to swell later, a normal side effect.

But in a week 3 of the worst ones will be gone and the rest should go away on their own in the next month or so. It's nice having the control back on what goes on my face. Whenever anyone pointed out the cysts it was so embarrassing because they don't seem normal and I had no idea how to explain them.

If I didn't have my speeding ticket to pay off and if I wasn't consenting to go to the beach for the 4th of July, I would have loved to go get my tattoo refilled this week. I guess I'll wait closer to the end of the summer, when my bank account has leveled back out and my desire to go swimming has decreased.

I've started a healthy schedule back in Athens and I can't wait to start seeing my friends again. My heart and thoughts are overwhelmingly with Nadia, and I know I should call more often, but it's hard for me. It's hard to see your close friend go through something so rough, especially when you've never been in their shoes. It makes me fully realize how difficult I must be to understand by some of my friends. It reminds me of all the times I've been shielding myself from the people I care about, not because I was too embarrassed for them to know, but I didn't want them to get uncomfortable around me. I'm the same person I was before, just not as sane.

I still wish things were easier and we still had the options to make simple decisions, and take certain actions. But nothing is truly certain anymore. And I didn't used to feel that way. My love was certain, my friendship was certain. But I can't give either if I can't save myself.

I pray to God every time I have to make the long trip. I pray for myself, for her, for whatever my thoughts drift too. I feel like I have to come clean, when there is nothing I need to share. Maybe I should want to, maybe I should have more decency. I just want to see tomorrow. Have hope and keep it ever close.