I want them all back, but I don't know how to restart it. I fear as soon as they're back it'll be worse than the start. I don't seem to see it. The bigger picture. I don't know how to get myself over me. I don't know how to guide myself through the social web of friends.

It's two weeks in and I haven't seen old friends yet. I don't have time and I don't this and I don't that. I feel overwhelmed again. I told Allison on Friday that I felt fine, the depression was gone. I was wrong. I am the reason for my loneliness and I was just with friends last night. I hate opening my chest and trying to explain this thread of sorrow that's been weaved to keep my insides together. I have to just go back to my feel better mix. I have to apply a few layers of The Format and let the hope sink in.