Sometimes, it doesn't matter if you have friends that are supportive or wonderful or appreciative. It's supportive friends that I run from the most, that I practically ostracize. If you don't want help, if you don't want to get better, if you're tired of fighting, you run. Tight lips, mouth shut, fists clenched.

When things don't matter, it's hard to find the beauty. And danger? Nothing's dangerous if you're not afraid. I found a nice new spot in my building to star gaze, and it could be perceived as dangerous, but it's perfectly safe. There would need to be like 5 things to happen before I seriously injured myself, and if I end up getting a little banged up, that's nothing new. In the past two days I have four new bruises and two new cut/scabs.

And I'm an idiot because I made plans with Megan and maybe Lindsey and some people for Sunday night, and I don't know if I'll get that far. I want to make plans for Monday, and I want to keep my weekend plans, but I'm not holding on to anything anymore, cause I stand here with my arms up. And I want to fall back and I want to fall asleep cause I'm tired of falling down.

All I want is to go back asleep, my nightmares aren't really that bad anymore. And I'd wake up and go to work, cause there are a few things I've got left to handle, but then that's it. That's all I want.

This is not my life
It's just a fond farewell to a friend
It's not what I'm like
It's just a fond farewell to a friend