I want to see my friends when I come home this weekend, but I don't want them to see me like this. Sunday's meeting is going to be so hard to smile through. I mean, I've been doing that for the past 6 years, but the happiness of others always hurts the most when you have none of your own.

I think I'm becoming this super boring person, and I'm losing all my memories and everything seems so distant. I guess time washes away all wounds, but I wish time in this case was forty to fifty years, and not fifteen months.

And they asked me if I'd ever do it again, but it was a slanted question, and I knew they wanted me to say no. And I didn't answer. I know that's awful, that in two weeks I've washed away everything I worked for this summer, but so be it. I don't want to feel like this.