Oh Regina, please keep singing about my heart. I really do have to get her new album.

Stephanie let me borrow Lolita to read so I'm going to give her Swollen. I decided to read it again so that my memory of it would be clearer. I love the theme of a swollen heart, which I'm pretty sure is applied to her at the end of the book. Rereading it reminds me of all the things I like about it, like how she's kinda a slut and how she loves the way slut sounds in her mouth.

Swollen and Lolita and Regina are just putting me in the strangest moods. Listening to Another Town and thinking of Maria and Alex and then my stomach turning in on itself. This latest chapter of my life should be labeled uncertainty. Lately I'm really unsure about my friendships. There's this strange feeling in the pit of my stomach that Alex is beyond avoiding me, when I know he's busy with school and work. I just miss our conversations and his friendship. I don't think he reads this anymore, so I feel fine talking about him to whoever still does read this. After spring break things changed in the worst way and I felt like there was nothing I could really do or say to pull him back into my life. I don't know, he's on my letter list.

I've been having very vivid dreams of kissing boys I've never kissed before and the clarity of the memory startles me in the morning. I guess that's just karma making up for all of my recent nightmares. Personally, I'd rather be repaid in my awake state. A good kiss would be very nice right about now.