I still miss you. One of you appears in my dreams at least twice a week. I have nightmares that you hate me. I have nightmares about being complete strangers. I remember you less and less, like you're disappearing through a time warp, but I miss you more and more.

I told my mom about my memory loss and she didn't seem surprised. It's been less than a year, not eight years. Can you even completely forget about someone in eight years, if they once meant so much?

It's funny that I miss them the most when I'm relapsing, when I'm still uncomfortable being around anyone I love. I was a complete mess on Sunday. I cried twice. My sister was standing by me singing along with everyone else and I knew that in the end we have each other, and she's one of the few people I can't push out of my life. I was so relieved that my pastor was going to do communion for our meeting. Communion is like a new slate to me. I'm forgiven again, and I can start out with a handful more of hope. I was really surprised when my pastor picked me to help serve communion, and so I cried thinking about the sinner serving communion. I'm always humbled to be the servant. The theme of our meeting was contentment.

Summer picked Philipians 4:13 for the weekend, and I'm glad, because it's the verse that I need to hold on to right now.

I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.