If my life were a rom com, there would be no one in the audience yelling at me things like "he's the one" or "you're so blind, you two are clearly meant for each other!"  Sometimes I'm not sure I'm even the main character.  I'm somewhere between 'keeping an open mind' and 'having fun' (which we all know means wasting time and wishing there was something else).  There are no rom com worthy guys.  I don't know if these guys are even b line characters.

This week I was reminded of just how bad it is out there (in the dating world, in the real world, in the life of women everywhere).  A man came to my work with the sole purpose of seeing me and thusly boring my brains out and draining the cheer from my day.  The first day he stopped to talk to me he disgusted me so badly that I workshopped the experience into a poem about the antiquated idea of a ring making you someone else's property.  He was so obsessed with the idea that I had to have one, four carats, or else never be happy.  He showed up the following day to prove to me just how right I had been in my first impression of him.  Claiming to be so good at reading people (I must be such a positive person because I have such a cheerful voice at my job), this asshole read and ignored every sign that I was not interested in him or in further carrying on a conversation with him.

After I escaped his audience, I adjusted my attitude so as to be 100% less inviting for strangers to come and tell me 99 reasons why they think they are so sexy*. I apparently adjusted my attitude too far to the unpleasant because within an hour another stranger came and invaded my personal space.  I guess my voice was drained of all sincerity when I told him to have a good day, because he turned around, came into my space, and hugged me.  After telling me that I "clearly could use a hug" he gave me no time to disagree and I was literally backed into a corner and could not escape. At work.

It is infuriating to be told how you should act, what you should think, what your relationships should be like, trashed on for having opinions and to be touched without asking.  All while at work.  Don't tell me to smile.  Don't fuck with my time.  Don't fuck with me.

There's this one coworker that I'm friends with who appears to like me.  I'm not a flirt, I have the worst luck even trying to flirt, but I also can't tell when anyone is subtly flirting with me.  It took a third person to confirm how obvious it is that he likes me.  Asks about me.  Says nice things about me.  So I've just kept an open mind and continued to be friendly with him. I have no interest in playing games or leading him on.  I don't see him as more than a friend and coworker.  In all honesty though, if he asked me out, I would probably say yes.  A date's just a date.  See if you have things in common, see if there's a spark, laugh and tell an awkward story if there's not.  But with so many guys developing an aggressive attitude about dating, it's really fucking nice to be respected and not to be pressured into listening to an autobiography or to give out your (fake) number.

Be respectful. Treat others how you want to be treated, or how you would want to be treated, if the
roles were reversed.  Being single isn't the worse thing out there.  If your current dating options mean settling, being manipulated or controlled, respect yourself and choose you.

*Yes, guy # 1 wasn't getting anywhere paying me compliments, so he started talking himself up.  He referred to himself as sexy three times. 

Labels: dating, men are assholes, righteous indignation, rom com love theories, work stories