My grandfather turns ninety this week. I bought him 90 tomato seeds for his birthday.

I wish it were warm and I could escape outside. Outside is easier.

I’m spending the night at his house & the memories are overwhelming. She went down that hallway and all the bad started. She’d fluff her cushion and slowly lower herself on that chair. From here I can see her coming out of the kitchen with hot dishes, “but dinner’s not ready yet. We’re eating at...”

Her smile. Her fluff of see through hair. That white puffy sweater with the roosters. I miss it all. So much has changed over these past five years. Now it’s been two years since she’s been gone. That doesn’t sound right. It seems shorter. I would still give up so much to get her back.

Alright. I need to get to bed before someone hears me crying on the couch. I can’t face them like this.