My walks in the country have brought out a flush of color - a new layer of freckles on my arms and a reflection of the sun itself in my hair.  My hair is so close to turning a deeper shade of red, except that it's also turning blonde.  Strawberry blonde - so sweet and bright and light.   The shade and the length and the spring sun have me feeling like an oversized child.  Not a literal child, mind you.

It's weird, feeling almost, already, so close to 30 and looking so close to 20. I want to cut my hair and feel my age.  I want to get my life back on track.  Except no one wants to feel old, and I love long hair in the summer.  I want to fan it out in the sun and charge it up.  I want to braid it down my back in romantic twists and feel the sun soft on my skin.

I used to dream of a summer boy. Someone who would blare The Killers and Kings of Leon but also sit in hammocks reading Youth in Revolt with me.  Someone who would take me on adventures picking berries and riding roller coasters, swigging wine and hiking the woods.  Someone who kept things light and fun, but came from far away and knew I would not follow.  And then in August when the thought of fall would send shivers down our spines, we would shed our summer skins and part ways.


The crush I have is deepening, but with no hope for happiness.  He's leaving at the beginning of the summer and I've grown up enough to know I don't want to start something just to lose it.  I am well aware of how little I have keeping me here, but still, I'm not the type to follow.

Labels: country life, inappropriate crushes, mixtapes for falling in love, someday you will be loved, spring