I had a nightmare last night so terrible that I can't shake it.  I dreamed about my ex having sex with my friend and then she told me about it and then because that's not torture enough I was there when they had sex again.  It's so twisted, why would my mind make that shit up?  I wasn't mad at either of them when I woke up because I knew it wasn't them, it was a dream, but I am so fucked up by it.

Thankfully I needed to vacuum and clean my closet and there's drip marks all over my bathroom from the epsom salt soak I did.  Angry cleaning is the only way I can really get through all of it. Still, I don't care how productive I need to be today.  I have this fucked up imagery in my head, this fake memory, and I have no one to talk to about this.

If I do call my best friend or a close friend, they'll point things out that I already know.  Yes, he's going to sleep with other people. No, it's not a good thing to dwell on.  No, I was not previously dwelling on it. Great talk.

Labels: all the feelings, dreams, nightmares, We used to be friends.