So far I’ve spent most of my weekend working outside & around the house, and then when my body is too weak to do more, watching the first season of Sorry For Your Loss. That show made me cry and cry and then cry some more. I would probably watch it all again if anyone asked. Like right away.

The main character is so selfish, but they all kind of are. It’s a view on grief & depression that’s beautiful and painful and well portrayed.

It helped me explore what I’m going through now. Whether it’s a stress triggered depression or stress triggered anxiety attacks at a particularly lonely time. I’m in the middle of my fall meeting season at work and I throw myself into my work. I know I care too much. I make things harder for myself. I guess I just don’t know how to channel that energy into “throwing myself” into something with passion and still having the energy and capacity to do my work well.

I’m also pretty lonely.  Spontaneously meeting people is a dream at best and online dating is draining and not working. There are so many times I want to give up on it. Except it also feeds my depression. I crave physical touch and I’m the only person here. It makes me so grateful for family. There are some days when having someone hug you or want to hold your hand are the best things that happens to me. My niece will ask me to play with her like she’s asking if I mind cleaning the bathroom and then squeals and lunges for my hand when I say yes.

There are no kids in Sorry For Your Loss. I think it’s why I can relate more to it. And also kids complicate and uncomplicate things. People react so much differently when kids are involved. No kids, just my favorite Olsen and a version of my type. The glasses are definitely a huge turn on and just so much that they put into the character of Matt is just like someone I would like to meet.

So I’m swooning over a character (and actor) despite everything that’s going on in my head. I clearly don’t want to be alone. I have to try again.

Labels: Crying, Sorry For Your Loss