Last night was a clusterfuck. I spent the whole day taking care of my to do list so that I could enjoy the night and have a lazy Sunday of reading and preparing my garden.  I was in such a good mood.  What a laugh.

I got stuck following an ambulance on the highway until we hit the stop dead traffic from the accident it was seeking.  Then I got turned around on the road, three to five times.  There gets to be a point where you just have to stop listening to the gps and pay attention to the streets.  After verifying I was not where I needed to be, I used my gps to walk to my destination and it took me the worst way possible. As was apparent on my super easy walk back.  But I was so paranoid last night.  Well, not paranoid, anxious. 

Anxiety, you old awful friend.  I texted a friend to help me calm down.  I looked up the way I needed to head back.  I asked around for a walking buddy.  Okay, I took the coward's way out on this one.  The venue was filled, almost everyone else was drinking, and it felt way too easy to eavesdrop and I never found a group of people or single person I felt comfortable enough asking to walk with me to my car.  So I just stalled until enough people were heading in the direction of my car. Anyway, I did the best I could to get control of the situation.  But having to make preparations, having to stress about my safety, it just ruined my mood.  The band was great, the openers were fun too, and I wanted to dance, but it wasn't the same.  I felt too alone in the crowd.  I need a concert buddy from now on.  For safety and fun and for fucks sake because I don't need to be alone.

Well last night bled into a headache, or the storm did, or my pets waking me up constantly for 90 minutes straight did, who can be sure.  I started to build my seed starter system this morning and my heart was not in it.  I did read, ate waffles, played with the dogs.  The waffles made me nauseous though.  Waffles shouldn't make you feel barfy, they should make everything better.  So something else must be up with me. 

The only music that feels fitting for this kind of dreary Sunday is Cults on shuffle.  The lyrics to this song were stuck in my head before it even came on.  Does that ever happen to anyone else?  You can listen to one song by a band and instantly want to hear another to the point that you're playing over the lyrics in your head already.  "Should've taken the high road.  Now it's such a long way back."  It happens a lot for me with different Cults songs. 

Labels: anxiety, Cults, dreary day