Speaking of memory lane, I was in the clouds last September when Libby turned 10! Two digits! I feel like I owe her a ‘best of’ mix, except she already has one. Which is kind of weird cause I think it’s from only the first year. I looked back and I’ve only mentioned it twice, The Best of Libellus.
The original mix was a gift. The online version has 11 songs, I’m not sure if there are more on the CD. I can’t really remember if they were my like best writing or the entries that spoke out most to the creator or you know, the ones you want your crush to notice the most. I’ve forgotten so much, I really need a boring print journal where I can record the kind of stuff I’m always forgetting without being so public.
I wanted to use an Okkervil River song for a new post, but realized I had already used it. It fits the current post, but I should have tried harder to find a Phantom Planet song that fit the mood. Reading over the post I felt a little pride.
I’m reading a book about Alzheimer’s and a book set in senior year of high school when final decisions are made about college and getting serious. Beteeen that and the slow aging of my own body, I miss much about that time. I wish I had found my college therapist sooner so that we could have set a more sturdy ground for me to trample across. I had such horrible test anxiety that I’m surprised I never puked before one. I would have benefited so much more from a peer study group. I wish I had tried less to be there for the cool stuff and just made it happen goofing off and baking and reading in all of those beautiful scenic spots. Sucked up my fear & did the work to be a DJ. I was just so intimidated all the time.
Anyway, my writing wasn’t half bad. I think I might need to listen again & make a Ten Year Reunion mix. I remember the first mix did not sound all that great together. It was very eclectic. Was the mix itself organized by order of favorite posts or sets of themes or just the best one could do with those songs? I should remember, I’m sure I’ve had the conversation a few dozen times over the past decade. But my memory fades and each time has that hot-cheeked, deep smile satisfaction feeling like it’s the first time.
Boys have been bringing that smile back to my face and I forgot about the giddiness that comes with it. Is this why it’s better to fall for new guys and not pursue the same one (over and over, on repeat, just like my dreams)? I had this one post back in the day with some high and mighty talk against girls only talking about guys, but I was such a little liar. I loved talking about my crushes. It was the relationship stage I never really talked about.
There is that ever present expectation for me to settle down and start planning that family, but I feel like the first spring flower blooming after the last of the winter frosts. Tell me all the ways you really like me. Let me see what else you’ve got to offer.
Labels: Best of Libellus, crushes, make me a mix, mixtapes, Okkervil River, writing
posted by Songs of Love at 12:49 AM