There are times when my exterior hardens and I shut my mouth for a change. Well, I shut my mouth in front of you, and then I run home and rant to the roomie. These are the times I embrace the concept of loveshit the most. These are the times that I'm the most stressed and feel the most overworked. These are the times I feel the most alone.

My closest friends can tell when these times are coming on. I must give out pessimistic bitchy vibes or maybe it's the edge they hear. Friends like Janie and Nadia, and those other smart kids, find some way to reach out to me, to pull me back to myself. When they see me try harder to slip, they pull me back stronger. I miss them so much right now.

This song, Question by the Old 97's, does the most evil thing to me - it fills me with hope and want. Sometimes I forget I grew up on romantic ideals. Sometimes I forget exactly how greatly I want to see others happy. This song pulls at my stupid little heart strings and throws away all the meaning behind loveshit. If someone played this song on repeat all night long I might just erase the term loveshit from my vocabulary.

Now I want. I want, I want, I want. I want to be the girl in the song. I want my closest girl friends to be that girl. I want to fall in love. I want to see my friends happy. I want more nights filled with soothing rain. I want to hear Charlotte's doggy snores more than just on the occasional weekend home. I want purpose. I want to be that strong pull for my friends.