Today's a good day for The Cure. I feel like I belong lost inside Just Like Heaven. It's this stupid middle of the week stump. Over stressed, tired, middle of the week catch up with a big creative writing bust. I do not look forward to presenting next week because I don't look forward to anything in this class anymore. It was supposed to be certified anti-senioritis class. It doesn't really do anything for me. Nothing positive at least. But after class I usually wait alone at the bus stop watching people get picked up by friends and lovers and roommates. That part's been getting real lonely.

I've felt real disconnected lately - to my friends, my environment, myself. I'm not myself. I think this is Jillian in fear, on pause. I'm focusing so much on school but what's the point? Why focus on something that won't matter in a month? It's almost gotten back to the vicious cycle where everything makes me happy reminds me of him and everything that reminds me of him makes me terribly sad. I think I've started doing the zombie thing again, sitting somewhere with no concept of time, no memory of where your thoughts have gone, just sitting there existing with sad eyes. I will combat this with extra friend time and maybe a feel good shoe shopping trip and maybe soon a weekend painting my new room.