I want to give up on my internet addictions but then they just show up in my dreams, which really fucks up my reality. My parents used to have these run of dreams where the other spouse was cheating on them and they woke up so angry at each other. Those kind of dreams hurt so badly but you can't hold them against people without being unreasonable. It gets worse when you don't want to be the unreasonable one but you feel like you need to just talk about the dream, face it, and move on.

According to my dreams, in the past week I've been proposed to, hunted & also forced to watch a psycho with an ax kill all of my close friends, witnessed the creation of the ultimate man-eating beast and survived only because my friend was a ghost, & then I made a mockery of myself amongst my friends because I couldn't hold it in any more. I was filled with false hope and then scared shitless when everyone I cared about was being killed in front of me. You wake up and you want to shake it off, it was just a dream, but that last feeling remains to confuse you.

I'm so confused. I want things more than ever, things I had weaned myself from thinking of, cares I told myself wouldn't concern me any more. No matter how closed off I make my heart it still gets fucked with in my dreams. Like it's one big trick that I don't get to laugh at. It's hard for you to accept things or lose people or move on when your feelings are tricked to flip flop. And it's all in your head, and it makes you feel delusional. Nothing stays buried. Nothing is as easy as it should be.

Labels: and you're spelling out your love, dreams, nightmares, Rupert Grint is apparently my soul mate, you could be above ground, you shouldn't be alone in there