Libellus

Friday, March 16, 2018

I love this song. I've been waiting since birth to find a love that would look and sound like a movie. I'm all about making a mix to be the soundtrack to my life, so the desire to film what you can't find makes sense to me. But I've also been in love with love since I was a little girl. If my sister's life goal was to be a grown up, mine was to be in love. I didn't dream about the perfect wedding. I didn't even have an idea for the perfect guy. That wasn't as important as finding a love that would live up to my dreams of love. Growing old together. Traveling. You know, I don't know if I really spent too much time contemplating what we'd do. I just wanted to be happy and loved and I wanted one person to call my own that I could love with all my heart and mushy stuff like that.

I am a lot like my grandmother in that aspect. After all the bad stuff that happened to her early on, all she wanted was a family of her own that she could love and care about and take care of, who would never grow up in uncertainty, alone, with no money, or in fear of her surroundings.

Coming back to Pennsylvania today, to see my family together for the first time without her is not much different actually. She was always quiet, watching us, caring for us, not making a fuss about herself. She felt like an outsider coming into this family of loud, rambunctious Italians, but she found her footing and she made herself an insider. I'm still not sure what the tone will be tomorrow when all the cousins come together, but I'm going to try and listen more like she did. One day I'll be editing her book and I would love to be able to include stories about her influence and impact on others.

Labels: family, in love with love, love, mixtapes

posted by Songs of Love at 10:22 PM

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