This morning I could not keep my work churning without Beyonce's All Night.  Then in the afternoon I was jamming to Your Loves Whore by Wolfe Alice on repeat.  Then on the drive home I Need You by The Beatles came on.  The sun was shining and it's warm again and I passed the same house that I passed yesterday and the same man was out in his beekeeping whites and I felt like Spring was really here.

I know you're not grammatically supposed to capitalize the seasons, but growing up with my sister I grew to rebel that particular grammatical rule.

It's spring, I should be back in the garden.  I should be preparing for my bees and my garden and my house.  I hate this Nor'easter crap weather.  I'm afraid I'll end up losing all my new plants in the next week.  Nothing seems to agree with them and I was only able to keep them outside for two days before it got cold again.

If I'm being honest, I don't think I'm going to walk away happy on Monday.  I think once the splint comes off I am going to end up back in a cast.  I want my life back, I want my wrist back, I want the sun on my hair and the moisturizer blocking it on my skin and the dirt everywhere and the flowers blooming and the leaves reaching out and the fruit/vegetables ripening.  I am so tired of being careful.  Impatience.  Discomfort.  It's not positive, it's not filled with love or light or secret smiles or squeals or human touch. Courage is there to make you brave.  Strength is there to help you endure.  So I will pursue what makes me strong and hope the rest will get a little more in line.

So I signed up for this Gardening with the Masters class on Cutting Gardens 101, when the only flowers I grow either turn into fruit or struggle to stay on my orchid.  (Although my Valentine's Day orchid is going strong.)  What I need is a class on caring for orchids.  Next week there is a class about gardening and that's what I'm really looking forward to, but I get anxious easily so I want a test run.  Plus I need to relax and find the light in my life and maybe this will take me down a positive path.

I watched the season finale of the Magicians and it is so different from the books and often times not that great, in different ways that the books ended up being not great, but man do I love them both.  The books can be really depressing, so I don't see myself rereading them this summer, but I want to rewatch the series.  There's something about it that lights me up inside.  I'm hoping it will help me come up with something to bring to this writer's group.

Hmm, I wonder what is appropriate attire for a gardening class and a girl with a giant bandage wrapped hand.  Let's find out.

Labels: beekeeping, gardening, inspiration, Master Gardeners, spring, The Magicians