I may be one girl, but I have like what, five thousand moods?
With all of these finals I have lacked so much time to think about myself and figure things out today. I realized I was missing fun and then the opposite side of the spectrum, seriousness.
Am I fun?
Maybe like sometimes.
Am I serious?
I think that's more when I'm alone.

Fun.
Shopping with Lindsey in the grocery store, at the mall, and at the dollar tree is fun no matter what. Having Bunny there was better. I love that boy so much, especially for taking all of our jokes so well. He's such a good sport, even when he calls me Lola.
But Lindsey brought up something important. If you look in the archives, I rarely mention her. It really saddens me because the truth behind all of that is I feel like we barely touched base this past semester. It works both ways so maybe we should examine it both ways.

My side: I was always stressed about school, somewhat busy volunteering, and entirely busy NOT inviting anyone over to my place. My place just doesn't feel like home, so I try desperately to make my home in other places. Like Janie's on Wednesday nights, the SLC on Tuesdays, and Johns Creek on the weekends. I asked her to eat with me over and over again because I guess maybe I didn't just feel uncomfortable inviting her over but inviting myself over. In the beginning I was avoiding M. In the middle I just felt distanced. At the end I missed her terribly.

Her side: She had classes AND she had work with the little monsters, I mean kids. She lived with three once very close friends. Maybe she just didn't realize that with the new additions of David and Monica and their friends she was forgetting about her friend. Maybe we finished last year in the wrong way, with me falling apart and her washing her hands of drama.

Well Lindsey, this is your first blog. These are my thoughts, my feelings, my worries. Maybe I do have an anxiety disorder since I'm always worrying about the worrying. But, of course, I worry. I worry that I did something at the end that hurt us more than I've ever been able to see. Roommates seem like they shouldn't be THAT close. Maybe we were too close. Now I'm just afraid that as friends we're just reverting back to before we even got this close. Before Econ and Psych and Drivers Ed.

Hello serious. I saw 7 Pounds today. Probably where my serious side came from. Such a great movie though. It explains why I'm in the mood for The Spill Canvas. It's a twisted love story they sing of time after time, with a good measure of rock and another of, well I'm not sure. Rejection? Fear? Sadness? Longing? With maybe a tinge of loss?

Heaven's not a place that you go when you die. It's that moment in life when you actually feel alive, so live for the moment. - The Spill Canvas