Leslie and I had a really nice talk about grad school tonight. She opened my eyes up to the possibility of studying in England or in Ireland. There are some grad schools there that have a one year program. That would be a wonderful experience for me to open up my writing and explore new territory in my writing. It wouldn't be so hard to be away from my family and Fitz for one year as opposed to two or three when the opportunity allows me to gain so much.

At the same time I have to keep Fitz in mind. I would really rather stay in the South for grad school because I'd rather live in this climate than say in the Midwest's, but I'm open to change. Teaching a class or two for free tuition wouldn't be so bad either. I think I might enjoy teaching college English in a year or two. There are ways to make that fun.

Leslie also helped me examine who I am right now. I had a lot of trouble answering her questions, but I think I'm in the process of changing my perception of myself. Before I thought that no one could or would think highly of my writing, that I was persuing a useless major and I was going to end up lost on some side street again. I kept making future plans for myself without putting myself on the path for those plans. Going to Grad School for Creative Writing makes me scared shitless, but I'm okay with that. I'm swallowing this idea that I should let myself focus on my writing and see how far it can take me.

When it comes to the future I keep saying I don't know enough about myself or the situation to say where I'll be in ten years. But I've known all along that there are some undeniable truths about myself that I can't escape: Fitz and I will be living in a place that gets minimal snow; I will be writing, hopefully published, and if not I will be calling up all my connections to get published; I will still give blood at least once a year; I will find some way to give back to the community and be highly involved with that service, probably involving children; I will be making mix tapes of future music combined with the best of the past; I will own a fake Christmas tree with tons of homemade ornaments; I will still sing the most outrageous lyrics in the car; I will own a giant bookshelf and a large photo collection; and I will hold secret dance parties in my underwear late late at night and early in the morning before work.