I'm starting to feel the distance. There was even something at my last sorority meeting tonight, a feeling that I don't belong. I've been phased out. Only a handful of my real friends were there. The rest had phased out and I was lingering, trying to connect the girls who befriended me with the girls too new to remember those very friends. Tonight Melissa said something to me about how great I was as a Big, which is a lie. I wasn't much of a big the whole first year. This year though we forged a really strong connection. I was totally scared about being a Big at first. I didn't want someone who was always dt, someone "too cool" for me, but I didn't want an extreme doo-gooder who was more involved in the sorority than I was. I felt like there was so much more pressure to be liked as a Big than there ever was as a Little.

I called Lindsay when I came home tonight. Being a senior, my last chapter, taking pictures with the letters, there was something missing. A piece of my heart directs back to Lindsay, longs to pull her towards me. Talking to her broke down this distance that I feel is building between me and everybody. I come home and aside from Fitz wanting to bite me, there's no one waiting for me. There's no one who wants to hear about my day. No one wants to hold my hand. No one to tell me good stories and bad stories and funny stories. Lindsay is not excited about the commencement speaker. Her vote was Paula Deen. If Paula Deen could be the commencement speaker AND the caterer I would be in Southern heaven.

Labels: We used to be friends.