I am finally finished with college!!!! A few years ago I went through a really hard time in my life and was offered the chance to take a break from school. That felt like the moment I stopped trying. I hated college. I hated the person it had made me. I hated being so overwhelmed by opportunities and yet being so damn dormant. What I knew was I wanted to finish college as soon as I could.

Now that its over I honestly don't regret not taking that break. I faced the hell that I had constructed for myself and I became much stronger for it. Even if it felt impossible to even breathe for days in a row. I pulled a whole 180 from spending years thinking a girl didn't have to always be in a relationship to be happy to thinking that I would only be happy again if I was with that one person. Every day being alone was like trying to breathe under water. But it was through that paranoia and self hatred that I was able to see clearly what I didn't like about myself.

I've started watching The L Word and have formed an appreciation for the character Jenny, who is also a writer. There's this one scene where Shane explains Jenny's actions by saying, "She's a writer." I have to go back and find that instance, because it was everything I ever needed to hear. It was something insightful that only a few people could ever say about me, Jenn or Lindsay or Leslie or maybe even Sarah and Red. Just the idea that no matter how normal things seem, there is always a powerful imagination working behind the scenes to create something else. Sometimes, especially when combined with a migraine eruption, it feels as if I've become so insane there's no turning back. I've changed my writing style, I've changed my medium, but writing is still this thrilling and puzzling experience that can consume me whole. I never wanted to go back to college until I found a teacher who helped me contain and reform my writing into something worth sharing. I want to find more teachers who can help me harness and control my ideas.