And since I like to discuss relationships and the effect people have on one another let's bring up nice guys. Why the hell can I attract nice guys when I don't even want to attract goldfish? Do they sense the fear and the uncertainty and the effort to be single and decide they would like to fix that? I've had this bizarre history with nice guys in college. Sometimes drinking can give them that extra edge to be pushy and give me a reason to hate them and sometimes drinking can only make them nicer. Can nice guys smell nice girls like honeysuckle? Is there some kind of effort being made by the universe for nice guys and nice girls to be together? (Something was definitely up with the universe last night because I saw all three of the guys who have actively liked me this semester downtown.)

Saturday night I went out with some friends for my friend Amy's birthday. Her one friend was very nice and really attractive but not my type at all. No matter how distant or attentive I was to the group he continued to get nicer and nicer to me until a blind girl could have told me he liked me. It was flattering but slightly discomforting because I don't really know how to politely reject a guy who has been nothing but kind and nice. Usually I just wait for the sign that things are about to go too far and then I either politely run the hell away or I speak up.

What sucks even more about trying to be single and not being interested in a nice guy is when he notices the things about you that you really want people to see. We had a really nice drunk conversation about my tattoo and my scars. We compared scar stories and he wasn't trying to be that guy who shows off his scars to impress the girls. I like recalling the memories that my scars remind me of. For instance, I still have two slight indentations on my arms from when I was scratched by the kittens I helped raise in my mom's office the summer after sixth grade. And it was like that for him. So why do I hit it off with guys I'm not interested in? There needs to be a warning given to guys upon initial attraction to me that I will only break your heart and fuck you up. I need time to finish figuring myself out and how I'm supposed to control myself and still find happiness.