This past week sucked.  Work kicked my ass.  I was in and out of "a mood."  Traffic was crazy.

I called my grandmother to talk and get prospective.  We're doing that thing where we ignore she's dying and it's totally normal to have hospice care.  I didn't realize she already needed hospice.  She's shared my post surgery tips with her hospice nurses already.  We're in such different places and yet we understand each other so well. 

She thinks that I seem more balanced, that I didn't need perspective from her, that I've been in such a good place since getting this job.  I'm more motivated.  I mostly believe her.  She doesn't know about Libby, but it is apparent I'm writing more, which is one of the things I factor in.

I told her about trying to find the good in my days.  I really need a big dose of good.  I need something to keep me in a good mood til the new year.  Not that I have anything planned for then.  I just feel like a need a big push of positivity and sunshine to get me there.

I've been writing more outside of Libby too.  Poetry twisted with all my confusing feelings. I'm trying to make something worth sharing, but I don't have any false ideas that it'll do anyone else any good.  My words don't seem to be as helpful for others anymore.  I wish they would.  I wish it was something I could be prouder of.

Labels: be more positive, family, i wish, writing