Fitz and I are dance packing because tomorrow’s moving day! He’s curious about where I’ve been all day and affectionate as ever, so I had to play this song for him. 

Labels: Fitz, happiness is, moving

Fitz is the very best cat that ever lived.  He is, simply said, the fucking best.  The End.

I spent a few hours with Tess today and she is such a total sweetheart.  And wonderful with other animals.  And so smart but not in the getting-in-trouble kind of way.  I want so badly to introduce the two and give Fitz the gift of a permanent housemate.  Someone to play with and nap with during the day while I'm at work.  Someone who is not Roman.

Labels: cats, dogs, Fitz, Tess

I have a soft spot for inappropriate lyrics, preferably when surrounded by a lot of wit. Hence my constant return to blasting Say Anything out of my car speakers.  Perhaps because I grew up with such a prudish sense of self, I felt it was acceptable so long as it was someone else's words.  Whatever the case, I have been crooning along with the start of a southern twang for many, many years.

So the thing about Say Anything is that I kind of love Max Bemis.  There was so much that I could relate to him with growing up that I kind of think I did a lot of my personal writing with him in the background.  The band took a huge hiatus because of his collapsing mental state and when they came back, he owned up to what happened and didn't try to downplay it at all.  I guess I was always encouraged to be myself, but there was that expectation to be normal and fit in.  That created this huge hole in me.  I tried so hard to hide my social awkwardness by not trying at anything else at all.  Then I figured out how to hide it all inside.  But the thing about hiding huge secrets is that there is only so much room for them inside your head.  So I pushed out all the pointless other things and found that once you let me start, I couldn't shut up.

During the past few years I started having problems with word recall.  I know so much about the word, but I cannot tell you what it is.  It's so frustrating.  As an English major it made in class essays a bitch because I would forget names or adjectives and I would just stumble through the rest of the essay praying that describing it would bring the word back to me.

So I've become frustrated and kind of a pain to be around.  Listening to Say Anything is like revisiting a younger version of myself. I kind of just want to immerse myself in it.  In that loud happy state.  The kind that comes when you allow yourself to embrace the sad moments and then scream about it.  Mostly I want to write.

I'm still the optimist though it is hard when all you want to be is in a dream. 

I feel like I've had all these amazing dreams recently and I live more in the dreams then I do in reality.  Pretty much work is awesome and I love being there.  Then I leave to go home and nothing that follows is as fulfilling or wondrous as my dreams. Except Fitz, because you know, he's like the best cat ever born.

Labels: crooning, dreams, English Major, Fitz, inappropriate lyrics, Max Bemis, mental instability, Say Anything, word recall, writing

Sleepy Fitz is mad at me because we came upstairs to go to bed before 12 and I still haven't fallen asleep. That and my squealing has woken him up. My two new obsessions? Listening to Cults on repeat and reading David Levithan's new novel, The Lover's Dictionary. I was pretty tired and wanted to fall asleep but reading this book was such a better idea. The narrator is unnamed, but an assumed male. Except for the definition of abstain, his lover could be a male or female. And really, abstain could be his lover's joke. I like not knowing, because I can apply the definitions to myself, and that makes it even more personal. I feel like his definitions encompass me, but I fit in casually, swapping between being the narrator and being the lover.


encroach, v.

The first three nights we spent together, I couldn't sleep. I wasn't used to your breathing, your feet on my legs, your weight in the bed. In truth, I still sleep better when I'm alone. But now I allow that sleep isn't always the most important thing.

- D.L.

Labels: a happy sadness, books, Cults, David Levithan, encroach, Fitz, sleep, The Lover's Dictionary

Today I have felt overwhelmingly sad for no reason. It's just like this unjustifiable sadness crept up on me. Hormones? Maybe. When I got home today Fitz cuddled up against my legs while I finished watching Pushing Daisies, so I swung him around to cuddle against my chest and he was so sleepy that he stayed and made cute sleepy faces. It was nice and he was so adorable, but then I just felt even more sad. What if this is my life?

There was a free pancake dinner at the Lutheran church in Athens that I was really looking forward to going to. Only there's no way I could hide all this sadness there and that would just be uncomfortable. I need a hug.

Labels: all the feelings, cuddle, Fitz, Pushing Daisies